"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else" [SherrieG] - 09:30am Jun 25, 1998 EST (#1 of 1135)
Wow, that other board is trashed.
Full moon last night?
=====================================================================
US Army "Oath of Enlistment"
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim.
I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am.
I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on
my PT test. After completion of Basic Training, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left.
On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter, better looking Air Force guy.
While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So help me God.
___________________________ Signature Date
=====================================================================
US Navy "Oath of Enlistment"
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim... why not?"
I promise to wear clothing what went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own.
I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hrs. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues." So help me Neptune.
_______________________________ Signature Date
==========================D==========================================
US Marine Corps "Oath of Enlistment"
I, state name here, swear...uhhh...high-and-tight...*grunt* cammies...ugh...Air Force women... OORAH! So help me Corps.
________________________________ Thumb Print Date
My name is Peter, otherwise known as . . . [Snow Pea] - 11:39pm Jun 25, 1998 EST (#37 of 1135)
Ooops, ahhh, BUMP!
Time for this baby to take over.
Doin' a rain dance [CooterBrown] - 11:44pm Jun 25, 1998 EST (#38 of 1135)
LOL Sher!
[Rich Pasma] - 04:57am Jun 26, 1998 EST (#39 of 1135)
Dave,
From my perspective the most important part of your job is managing an attitude rather than a discussion. It is the attitude that sets the table for discussion. Everybody knows this and it is OK.
As far as the recent flare up, I love it; it means that people care about something and are willing to participate. Fortunately I doubt that you will lay any blame upon me for it.
As you know I make a lot of mistakes. As Liz tends to be a little bit of a bully I decided to stand up to her. In doing this I offered
the diplomatic way out of things by offering the card of being petty and vain. Although this card has been offered several
times, I fail to understand way nobody has taken it. To be honest I have to take responsibility for this.
Perhaps you are upset with me for publicly challenging you about the meaning of tone. This was a mistake that nobody
noticed. The bias you and your cohorts presented between the arguments between Liz and myself have been quite obvious.
Perhaps you do not feel this way. I am not one to put words into other peoples' mouths. If you want clarification on this it will
be provided.
Debate is about an attitude that has a foundation for discussion. Anything that distracts from this would best be called
manipulation. Is this so hard to understand? Maybe not. Understanding things is the first step in dealing with the opposition.
Perhaps I have missed the boat again.
RP, Rancho Cucamonga, CA
"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else" [SherrieG] - 05:02am Jun 26, 1998 EST (#40 of 1135)
"...Perhaps you are upset with me for publicly challenging you about the meaning of tone..."
Somebody call Bill Maher at Politically Incorrect, I am beginning to think I have a candidate for Lifetime Achievement for the
Get Over Yourself Award.
"...Perhaps I have missed the boat again."
By George, he's GOT it.
eat the rich [Richos] - 09:15am Jun 26, 1998 EST (#41 of 1135)
Rich I agree with you about tone it is possible to get it loud and clear on these boards.
"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else" [SherrieG] - 09:37am Jun 26, 1998 EST (#42 of 1135)
Ancient Writings
A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the
following symbols in order of appearance.
1. A woman
2. A donkey
3. A shovel
4. A fish
5. A Star of David
They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out
the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient
symbols.
They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings. The
President of their society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said:
"This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem You can also tell they
were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.
The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them.
Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish, which means that if they had a famine hit the earth, whereby the
food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food.
The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."
The audience applauded enthusiastically and the President smiled and said, "I'm glad to see that you are all in full agreement
with our interpretations."
Suddenly, a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said, "I object to every word. The explanation of what the
writings say is quite simple. First of all, everyone knows that Hebrews don't read from left to right, but from right to left... Now,
look again... It now says:
"'Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman!'"
[Snow Pea] - 09:40am Jun 26, 1998 EST (#43 of 1135)
All right already, Rich. You're vain and petty. Happy now?
David Luckie [LuckieBoy] - 09:47am Jun 26, 1998 EST (#44 of 1135)
GW, Marcus got a pink slip because people complained about him?!? I ain't buyin it. I always thought Marcus to be highly
objective and fair. I'm sorry to see him gone.
Jim O! I knew there was something familiar about your posts. I guess this makes us both part of the "Old Timers Click," huh?
[rio dee] - 11:20am Jun 26, 1998 EST (#45 of 1135)
Actually, Luckie, nobody knows why Marcus is gone. GW realizes that his opinions is respected by a lot of folks and therefore
carries weight. So he passes the rumor he likes off as fact and if anyone calls him on it he will come back all pompously and
whine that he did not say that.
eat the rich [Richos] - 11:27am Jun 26, 1998 EST (#46 of 1135)
right on rio. In fact at the time of the pink slip the just mentioned poster was behaving towards Marcus..........well how do I say
it, sort of bullying really.
And then after well how can you describe it - it was so sweet.
That warm and fuzzy Republican: [G. Washington] - 12:28pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#47 of 1135)
rio dee: You are right. no one knows why Marcus left, but as I remember, there were good indications that he didn't leave by
his own choice.
But I have a question for you and richos: Who put a bug up your asses?
David Luckie [LuckieBoy] - 12:32pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#48 of 1135)
GW,
It seems a bunch of people have bugs up their asses 'round here. I don't know what happened, but somebody somewhere kicked
a hornet's nest and the whole left side of the board is sore.
Geez, lighten up, people. It's just a freakin BBS...
[rio dee] - 12:41pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#49 of 1135)
That's funny and typical of you GW.
Still clinging to passing the rumor that Marcus didn't get dammed sick of this whole bull and just leave on his own.
give Canada back to the Innuit, the current caretakers don't deserve it. [Richos] - 12:43pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#50
of 1135)
It started with Rich Pasma (a noted LW poster) and escalated from there. It's been coming for a long time. It's a generational
thing.
It's FRIDAY, and I have a new blonde, single neighbor [CooterBrown] - 12:46pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#51 of 1135)
Who's got the RealKill?
David Luckie [LuckieBoy] - 12:52pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#52 of 1135)
Enough about Marcus and sore posters.
What about the search utility? Dave?
[_Liz_] - 03:03pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#53 of 1135)
Rich,
In the interest of ending this silly misunderstanding on your part and in the interest of restoring harmony and light to the
board in general, I am willing....though it stings!...to concede that you are in fact, vain and petty.
Now..how about a drink?
It's FRIDAY, and I have a new blonde, single neighbor [CooterBrown] - 03:16pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#54 of 1135)
Rich, let me translate for you.
That is a sincere effort by Liz for you two to get along, and forget the past.
Hey baby....did I do ok? :-D
[_Liz_] - 03:57pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#55 of 1135)
Welllll.....*ggg* OK. It was a sincere attempt to ...all that other stuff.
See how magnanimous I am, sweetie?
It's FRIDAY, and I have a new blonde, single neighbor [CooterBrown] - 04:22pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#56 of 1135)
I ain't going there! ;-)
absolUTELY immatrue [Crimson] - 04:55pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#57 of 1135)
Sorry for the interuption guys.....the weekend is HERE!
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 05:03pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#58 of 1135)
Dave
My rear view mirror fell off my windshield, probably because of the incredible heat. I have gotten rear view mirror glue to fix it.
But, if the heat made the mirror fall in the first place, what would be the chance of it falling off shortly after reinstalling it?
[_Liz_] - 05:17pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#59 of 1135)
Melanie,
My experience in Los Angeles heat waves is that the heat *probably* had nothing to do with it. If you bought the special stuff
designed to reaffix a rear view mirror, you probably have two tubes of stuff and if you use them the right way you will probably
be fine.
Now...if anyone knows how to fix my head gasket, please let me know.
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 05:29pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#60 of 1135)
Yes, I do have the two tubes and have read the instructions thoroughly. The clerk in the auto parts store indicated, though that
they were having a run on the stuff now, which makes me think the heat has helped this occur. Thanks, and sorry, I can't help
with the head gasket problem.
Stumps don't lie--Ferret Mike [hobbb] - 05:59pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#61 of 1135)
I was thinking about how you would laugh watching me get ready to go out to the woods to protest.
1-Where is my ferret sitter! Damn him, I need to run down to REI for white gas.--Two or three frantic phone calls, he shows up,
run, run, run.
2-Stop at a phone to call 'Out of the Fog' to leave a message with Roadrunner that Ferret is on his way and will be twenty minutes
late.
3-Hide the animal products at the bottom of the food bag to keep the snide vegan comments to a minimum.
4-Damn! forgot my good compass, too late to go back now.
5-Scribble a note to leave at the 'Fog' with some money for Shylent Cat to pay a bill I forgot.
We don't look much different at what we do than many of you all running around in the real world. We aren't paid, but this
deffinately is a job.
I have to get going back out there to sit in one of out platforms 180 ft. up. I am now working the frontline for a time. No more
training or support work for now. See you in a couple of weeks.
[_Liz_] - 06:03pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#62 of 1135)
Has anyone heard from Cat, lately? I e mailed her about a week ago just to check on her but she didn't respond.
Maybe there should be an outpouring of concern, folks.
[jcastro] - 08:27pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#63 of 1135)
Hi Folks someone asked about Search: We haven't been able to install it. And if we did, apparently it would slow down the boards.
How important do you feel Search would be? Would you be willing to put up with slower boards to get it? Or would you rather have
faster boards? JC
Õ ¿ Õ "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". [jollyollie] - 08:38pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#64 of 1135)
faster boards.
Kickin' butt and got the Medals to Prove it!! [denise] - 08:44pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#65 of 1135)
Janice...I hope I remembered your name.
Search would be nice....but what I really would like is an index.
I find it hard to throw myself into a topic...by reading the last few posts...
If there was an index then I could see when the conversation was lively...and not to be accused of being cliquie but who the
participants are.
Going backwards doesn't work and sometimes., especially when the conversation dies off and then becomes current again....
Going through the posts from the last time I checked that thread...(as my picks)..also doesn't let me know if there if the topic stays
topical or just become a topic with little input and few posters participating.
Since this new format, I have found that I am less inclined to post and spend a great deal of time..trying to catch up..mostly in
areas that I would have skipped over. Usually I find I can't get into the board at all and move on.
Kickin' butt and got the Medals to Prove it!! [denise] - 09:04pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#66 of 1135)
Jolly I didn't get your e-mail..last one I got was Apr 2 (LOL)...have you changed your IPS since then...or have I accidently
thrown you in the trash?
Õ ¿ Õ "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". [jollyollie] - 09:06pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#67 of 1135)
My ISP died a couple of months back. New address is vikings@telusplanet.net
Kickin' butt and got the Medals to Prove it!! [denise] - 09:19pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#68 of 1135)
That's the one I had...you must have posted it on the boards and I updated my address book...geez I'm so efficient.
[Snow Pea] - 09:58pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#69 of 1135)
I've been wonderin' about Cat too. She probably just needed to take a break. Who can blame her. Though Cat, we are thinking
about you.
Although it's a different circumstance perhaps, I am wondering about Babblingbrook as well. She is still welcome on the board
-- isn't she folks?
Õ ¿ Õ "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". [jollyollie] - 10:02pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#70 of 1135)
She is as far as I'm concerned SP .
[cabot] - 10:07pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#71 of 1135)
Speaking for myself, of course babblingbrook is welcome.
I would hope that she realises that insults invite escalating responses.
I would also hope that she and I can contribute to a positive exchange of ideas.
cabot
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 10:31pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#72 of 1135)
"My rear view mirror fell off my windshield, probably because of the incredible heat. I have gotten rear view mirror glue to
fix it."
Melanie, do not waste your time with that junk they sell as mirror glue. Find a glue called Goop. It works in Panama, so it
will work anywhere.
[Snow Pea] - 10:34pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#73 of 1135)
Thanks Cabot, and especially you, Jolly.
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 10:34pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#74 of 1135)
"Now...if anyone knows how to fix my head gasket, please let me know."
The only fix for a bad head gasket is to remove the head, check it to make sure it is not warped, and install a new head gasket.
This is not a job for non-mechanics.
[Snow Pea] - 10:37pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#75 of 1135)
I blew a head gasket in a stinkin' old Ford Escort I had. Needless to say, I will never buy a Ford piece-of-junk again. Once
burned, twice shy.
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 10:38pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#76 of 1135)
Jollie, I would like add you to the list of people to whom I send jokes, radical libertarian political commentary and wacko stuff. A
simple yes or no will do.
[Snow Pea] - 10:40pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#77 of 1135)
Of course, I will never buy a Buick as well. Due to that stupid, obnoxious ad at the top of this board.
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 10:41pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#78 of 1135)
"I blew a head gasket in a stinkin' old Ford Escort I had."
That's what you get for buying one of those god-forsaken world-cars. Next time buy a real Ford; Mustang, Crown Vic (made in
Canada, BTW), or a full size pickup.
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 10:45pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#79 of 1135)
Hank
I've got some Goop in my junk drawer! Didn't think about using it for this, but I just might! Thanks for the tip!
Õ ¿ Õ "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". [jollyollie] - 10:51pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#80 of 1135)
Hank yes. j
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 10:57pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#81 of 1135)
"I've got some Goop in my junk drawer!"
Mel, I tried three different mirror glues, and none worked. The Goop did. Be sure to clean the glass, separate the mirror from its
base and let it sit overnight to cure.
Jollie, consider it done.
"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else" [SherrieG] - 11:15pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#82 of 1135)
I will never buy an Isuzu since they have gone from that horrifying slinky song to gruesome renditions from "Paint your
Wagon."
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 11:23pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#83 of 1135)
Hi Sher, I have an '87 Isuzu P'Up with 165,000 miles. Runs like a top. I'm thinking of naming it the "Energizer Peacup".
[Snow Pea] - 11:29pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#84 of 1135)
Hank -- Admittedly, I rented a Crown Vic once and found it most enjoyable. But hey, I'm a Liberal. We have to buy "world" cars.
LOL!!!
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 11:32pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#85 of 1135)
Snow Pea, if you think the Vic is enjoyable, you really owe it to yourself to strap on a 5.0L Mustang or one of the new DOHC
Cobras.
[cabot] - 11:47pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#86 of 1135)
Panama Hank-
I didn't realize that your handle was meant to indicate you lived in Panama.
I worked there as a contractor at Albrook AFB in the late '50's. Met my lovely wife there and this year we celebrate our 41st
anniversary.
It's FRIDAY, and I have a new blonde, single neighbor [CooterBrown] - 11:47pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#87 of 1135)
Snow.....get a Lincoln. Only Ford product I ever owned.
Hank, you've been getting stuff from me every now and then, but you probably don't know that it's me....lol!
By the way, my '87 Mazda PU has 247,000 on it, and is still rolling strong!
Õ ¿ Õ "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". [jollyollie] - 11:53pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#88 of 1135)
I had the 1976 302 4 speed Cobra II. Loads of fun. Babe magnet... until they saw me! LOL
Õ ¿ Õ "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". [jollyollie] - 11:54pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#89 of 1135)
Now there's Cooter... a man with great wheels! (I've seen the car!)
[Snow Pea] - 11:57pm Jun 26, 1998 EST (#90 of 1135)
I live in a Lincoln infested neighborhood, Cooter. I like 'em, but my Honda really stands out. Just traded in my '88 for a '98. Best
cars I ever owned. Of course, if size matters . . .
"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else" [SherrieG] - 12:25am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#91 of 1135)
As somebody up to her ass in Godzilla products let me inform you that size does matter.
It's FRIDAY, and I have a new blonde, single neighbor [CooterBrown] - 12:28am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#92 of 1135)
LOL Sher!
Snow, I have a '91 Mark VII, and I love it! Hondas are good cars, though. I've had several of them.
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 12:30am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#93 of 1135)
"I worked there as a contractor at Albrook AFB in the late '50's. Met my lovely wife there and this year we celebrate our 41st
anniversary."
It's still a beautiful place, Cabot, though there have been many changes. Albrook was turned over to Panama in October last
year. I married my wonderful Panamanian wife in 1976.
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 12:39am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#94 of 1135)
Cooter, when I get old, I have my heart set on a Lincoln MK VIII, but for now I'm having too much fun with my 5.0L Mustang.
This sumbitch will lay rubber going into third.
Õ ¿ Õ "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". [jollyollie] - 12:41am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#95 of 1135)
C'mon Hank, keep tryin'... get it to *chirp* going into fourth!
What the world needs now is love [CooterBrown] - 12:46am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#96 of 1135)
Hank, I hear that they're not going to make the Mark Series anymore. I'm never getting rid of this hummer! It's a deep candy
apple red! Gawgeous!
[cabot] - 12:48am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#97 of 1135)
Hank-
I understand that the country no longer is the friendly to "papa fritas" (fried potatoes to y'all) as they referred to us yankees.
By the way, I had an Isuzu P'up also, 193,000 miles when I sold it. And the only major problem was a transmission rebuild (5
speed).
But I've gone strictly domestic for many years now.
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 12:53am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#98 of 1135)
"C'mon Hank, keep tryin'... get it to *chirp* going into fourth!"
Well, she's getting a new short block, heads, and a hotter cam in October. Maybe then, if I can find a place to wind her out.
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 12:58am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#99 of 1135)
"I understand that the country no longer is the friendly to "papa fritas" (fried potatoes to y'all) as they referred to us
yankees."
We had some misunderstandings back in '88 and '89, but IMO Panama is still the friendliest country in Latin America. I feel
right at home here. Check out my home page. You will also find a link to the Zone Ring there, where you can find some really
nice Panama pictures.
Õ ¿ Õ "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". [jollyollie] - 12:58am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#100 of 1135)
Ah yes, close quarters in the Zone, I'd imagine. Forgot about that.
Õ ¿ Õ "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". [jollyollie] - 01:11am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#101 of 1135)
Great car Hank! I visited the site once before too!
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 01:20am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#102 of 1135)
Christmas '89 featured a few more fireworks than we wanted Jollie. I live 16 miles from the nearest military base, but only 3
miles from Tocumen Airport, so while we missed the main show, we did get to enjoy the parachute drop and preceding bombs at
the airport. I was trapped in my neighborhood with my wife and two young sons (12 and 8 at the time) until Christmans Eve,
armed only with a .22 rifle and a replica 1860 Colt black powder revolver. My Panamanian neighbors kept a close, protective
eye on us. I'm a Viet Nam vet, but I never knew real fear until I found myself responsible for a wife and two boys and no real
guns to defend them. That's partly why I am such a rabid pro-gunner now, and never get very far from one.
Õ ¿ Õ "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". [jollyollie] - 01:30am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#103 of 1135)
So is the Zone in effect still? Or are you a resident of Panama itself now? (I've got a wife and a 5 year old son and 6 year old
daughter and I'd have guns too, under those circumstances!)
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 01:39am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#104 of 1135)
There is no more Zone, Jollie. I have been a landed immigrant since 1976, and have never lived in the Zone. There are still 4
military bases, PXs and commissaries, and a few Pan Canal housing areas, but there is no more Canal Zone. At the risk of
offending any lurking Zonians, they should have done away with the Zone 40 years ago. The highly visible, highly priveleged
enclave of Americans built up the resentment that made the Treaties of 1979 possible and necessary.
Õ ¿ Õ "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". [jollyollie] - 01:45am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#105 of 1135)
LOL, remember Senator S.I. Hayakawa (sp?), "we stole it fair and square". Ironically the Senator was from my hometown.
[masontwo] - 01:50am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#106 of 1135)
Hey Panama..never knew anyone from Panama to ask about something...in 88 I was on a freighter cruise going through the
Canal to London, and sitting on deck I had a portable radio and used to listen to great music but occasionally I'd hear a religious
program which sounded as though it was some form of Catholicism except that they were announcing a service later in the
week to which one was invited to bring their roosters......AND to send financial contributions to an address in New York City!...
What was I LISTENING to?
Thanks....
Õ ¿ Õ "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". [jollyollie] - 01:56am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#107 of 1135)
" except that they were announcing a service later in the week to which one was invited to bring their roosters." If there was
also a mention of UFO's... it was Art Bell.
[masontwo] - 02:02am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#108 of 1135)
I think not, ollie...
and I don't think the roosters were headed for choir practise...
It was so depressing..never forgot it... organ music... bit of Latin..and a warm invitation to all foul, willing or unwilling.
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 02:04am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#109 of 1135)
Probably Santeria, Masontwo. Lots of folks, including Noriega, were big on it. It has elements of Catholism, Voodoo, and African
animism, and many of its rituals involve the sacrifice of animals.
[masontwo] - 02:16am Jun 27, 1998 EST (#110 of 1135)
I suppose...pretty sophisticated presentation and money hawking....but, why not? Way of the world...next world..
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 07:52pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#111 of 1135)
Seems like there has been a glitch in the boards today! Either that or everyone has been outside playing in the heat instead of
computing!
I've been getting a server error message all day. Hope the error is corrected for a while!
[cabot] - 08:17pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#112 of 1135)
Mel-
Me too and I also hope that logging on will require less patience than it has lately.
Hank-
I dropped by your homepage. Good show. The pics of Panama Viejo (old Panama to y'all) sure brought back memories.
Oddly enough, I live only a few miles from LRAFB.
My email address is johnt@futura.net, let me know if your son would like to burn a steak and sip a cool one one of these days.
[masontwo] - 08:23pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#113 of 1135)
Dave..now that you've had the time to do all the improvements that have been mentioned recently, I couldn't wait to see what
the old place would be like....
I've turned up and looked everywhere. I don't see the improved features yet....
Have I missed the pony?
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 08:28pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#114 of 1135)
cabot
I was unable to join in while you and Hank were talking about Panama. I was living at Fort Amador in the mid-50s. I was a mere
child, an adorable child, I've been told! I have many pleasant memories of those days.
[cabot] - 08:41pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#115 of 1135)
Mel -
Coincedences and threads, right? I worked there as a contractor for the Air Force in 1957. Money got tight, the contract was
canceled and I had to leave. But by that time I had met my future wife and was determined not to leave without her.
The rest is our history.
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 08:46pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#116 of 1135)
And I used to drive an Isuzu P'up too! LOL
[cabot] - 08:54pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#117 of 1135)
Mel-
Great vehicle if you didn't mind carrying lunch to go from 0 to 60.
But I was working on a job that required lots of traveling. They paid mileage and that little truck made me lots of money.
But it wasn't fun to drive.
[_Liz_] - 08:57pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#118 of 1135)
Oh good...we can get back in.
NOW to clear up some messes...
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 09:01pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#119 of 1135)
Mine was a diesel and had no pickup, but lots of fun to drive! And I had a standard poodle that used to ride in the back and he'd
stick his head through the pass-thru window and would look like anither passenger. He was great fun at back drive-thrus!
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 09:04pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#120 of 1135)
My P'Up has the 2.3 L engine and has enough acceleration to beat the majority of the 1.5L econoboxes on Panama's streets. My
nephew even remarked yesterday how fast it is. Naturally I had to take him for a ride in my Mustang. Heh, heh!
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 09:07pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#121 of 1135)
Cabot, with your permission, I will add you to my slightly politically incorrect jokes, radical libertarian, and wacko stuff miling
list. My son is no longer accessible by email, but I will forward your generous offer to him. Be forewarned, he is 6' 3", 190
pounds and eats accordingly.
[DaveGin] - 09:45pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#122 of 1135)
So...did you miss me?
I had a perfectly rotten workweek in Real Life. Hot, deadline pressure galore and tedious.
The little outbreak Thursday night did nothing to help. To those who tried to steer the train wreck away, I appreciatae your
efforts. To those who put the throttle to the max and made the boilers hotter, you should be ashamed.
Let's all work real hard at not having that happen again.
Dave McLemore/TIME Online
[DaveGin] - 09:48pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#123 of 1135)
While I have your attention Crimson, Liz and Jollie
What you do in email is private business. It does not belong on these boards.
If you want to have fights on other boards, that's your business. Keep them there.
We're here to talk, have a good time and maybe learn a little about each other.
But keep the personality disputes off the boards.
Dave McLemore/TIME Online
[DaveGin] - 09:57pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#124 of 1135)
Now...the other stuff
Mel, what Panama Hank said. Make sure the glass is clean and free of the old adhesive.
GW: Your paltry 90-something degrees in Ohio does not impress me. We had our first 100-plus day in May. June has been a
terror, with temps hitting 105 and 107 regularly.
Weather in the 90s would a cold wave.
Cars: My most fun car was a 1960 Sunbeam Alpine I had for a brief time my junior year in college. It cost all of $600 and ran
like a dream. Taking S-curves at 90 and the rear wheels dig in and the steering steady as a mother's love.
My favorite vehicle was a 1971 Landcruiser. Green with detachable roof, it would take you anywhere in spirit and style, if not
comfort
We plowed through some really rough areas in the Big Bend of Texas, which is high desert country and some of the most
beautifully desolate scenery around.
DaveGin
What the world needs now is love [CooterBrown] - 10:09pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#125 of 1135)
Man, I haven't even heard anyone mention a Sunbeam Alpin since back in........I don't want to remember.
Õ ¿ Õ "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". [jollyollie] - 10:19pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#126 of 1135)
No problem Dave. It's been a very, very long time since I've had a post deleted .... had to happen eventually.
What the world needs now is love [CooterBrown] - 10:23pm Jun 27, 1998 EST (#127 of 1135)
Man, I haven't even heard anyone mention a Sunbeam Alpin since back in........I don't want to remember.
[cabot] - 12:15am Jun 28, 1998 EST (#128 of 1135)
Dave- Re Thursday night, I contributed to the bonfire. Perhaps that was wrong, but I just got tired of insults.
I try to convey my thoughts for maximum impact, not maximum pain. Rarely successful, but that is my aim.
[cabot] - 12:22am Jun 28, 1998 EST (#129 of 1135)
On cars- My present drive is an Intrepid ES. The funnest car I've ever driven.
If I had had this as a young man, I would probably still be in jail.
[cabot] - 01:11am Jun 28, 1998 EST (#130 of 1135)
Hank-
I meant to answer your post forthwith but mea culpas and cars distracted me.
Thanks for adding me to your list and tell your son that my wife likes to see a healthy appetite.
Digale a su hijo, bienvenido a mi casa.
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 11:54am Jun 28, 1998 EST (#131 of 1135)
Thanks much, Cabot. You are now on the list. Now a bit of levity.
An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her
dress above her waist.
"A bit airy...", remarked the American.
To which the Cockney girl said, " 'ell yes! What did you expect - feathers?!"
[DaveGin] - 10:51pm Jun 28, 1998 EST (#132 of 1135)
In a word, Richos...
Balderdash. Perhaps you didn't catch my sermon on dumping the personality conflicts before posting. Your little fit of pique
wasn't worth keeping.
There's no rule that you have to like everyone here. Or agree with them. Just that you have to be civil.
You too, Cooter.
Dave McLemore/TIME Online
Don't put on any airs when you're down on Rue Morgue Avenue [CooterBrown] - 11:01pm Jun 28, 1998 EST (#133 of 1135)
Dave, I will submit my apology to you and the other posters here, sans Richos. I knew that it was a violation, but wanted to make
a point.
I'll take whatever medicine the doctor orders. At least I didn't put it in words and phrases. :-^)
[_Liz_] - 11:37pm Jun 28, 1998 EST (#134 of 1135)
Gee...I've been offline most of the day and I missed all the good stuff!
David Luckie [LuckieBoy] - 09:05am Jun 29, 1998 EST (#135 of 1135)
"How important do you feel Search would be? Would you be willing to put up with slower boards to get it? Or would you rather
have faster boards? JC"
All of the above!
Search would be great, but not if it comes at the expense of speed. If we can't have both, speed comes first. If the BBS software is
the limiting factor, it may be time for an upgrade? That's my vote.
give Canada back to the Innuit, the current caretakers don't deserve it. [Richos] - 09:48am Jun 29, 1998 EST (#136 of 1135)
No problem Dave. It's been a very, very long time since I've had a thread deleted .... had to happen eventually.
Rumpus Room [Richos] - 09:52am Jun 29, 1998 EST (#137 of 1135)
Liz - they didn't like my new thread.
Cooter - I didn't follow your link - I figured there wasn't much point. Kind of sorry I didn't now as it must have been worth a
visit for it to get deleted.
Oh, oh, are we gonna fly, down in that easy chair [CooterBrown] - 01:08pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#138 of 1135)
Upon further review, I do apologize to Richos. It was in bad taste, Richos, trust me. I was in one of my infrequent moods, and got
carried away. Fortunately, Dave was on the job! :-D
Have a great day!
Stumps don't lie--Ferret Mike [hobbb] - 02:51pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#139 of 1135)
That's what you get for buying one of those god-forsaken world-cars. Next time buy a real Ford; Mustang, Crown
Vic (made in Canada, BTW), or a full size pickup.
Forget cars, if you are ablebodied ride a bicycle. ;-)
[fionn] - 03:46pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#140 of 1135)
hobbb - I prefer something with a leg at each corner. Bi-cycles are not meant for those of us who are balance challenged.
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 03:53pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#141 of 1135)
And besides the smell of bicycle engine emissions is ghastly!
David Luckie, Brewer · Patriot [LuckieBoy] - 03:55pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#142 of 1135)
Methane is a greenhouse gas, too! };>
Mike(r) [jesters1] - 04:01pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#143 of 1135)
Maybe people should be emmission tested too?
[_Liz_] - 04:18pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#144 of 1135)
A SOFTWARE UPGRADE???? AGAIN???? AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!
David Luckie, Brewer · Patriot [LuckieBoy] - 04:27pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#145 of 1135)
Excellent idea!
Strike a match, bend over and emit!
I suggest avoiding certain foods before the test, such as pickled eggs, spam and collard greens.
[_Liz_] - 06:28pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#146 of 1135)
What's a collared green?
[Snow Pea] - 06:37pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#147 of 1135)
Liz, I think it's like a fiddle head. Gamy vegetables -- yuck!
[_Liz_] - 06:58pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#148 of 1135)
What's a fiddle head? Sounds like a spider.
David Luckie, Brewer · Patriot [LuckieBoy] - 08:00pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#149 of 1135)
You ain't never had collard greens?
Gawd, there ain't nothin more tender and productive than sweet collard greens.
You need:
1 Bunch of twice washed collards, with large stems removed.
1 Large, smoked ham hock
1 tbsp salt
1/2 tps pepper
2 fl. oz Tobasco sauce (just to kick it up a notch ;)
1 tsp white sugar
Put 1 gallon of water in a 3 or 4 gallon stock pot. Bring to a boil and add the ham hock. Cover and simmer for 20-30 minutes. Add
greens and all seasonin's. Let simmer for 'bout an hour or until greens are tender.
Serve with additional Tobasco, and let'em rip!
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 08:21pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#150 of 1135)
And you gotta cook 'em outside because they'll stink up the whole universe!
David Luckie, Brewer · Patriot [LuckieBoy] - 08:33pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#151 of 1135)
Blasphemy!
I'll tell you what stinks. And they taste as bad as they smell. Nothing is worse than bell peppers.
Awful. Just awful.
Practitioner of Incomplete Oral Sex [TireBiter] - 08:35pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#152 of 1135)
How to cook a Kidney (Basic):
Boil the piss out of it.
Practitioner of Incomplete Oral Sex [TireBiter] - 08:37pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#153 of 1135)
How to cook a Kidney (Advanced):
1) Find a smooth rock the approximate shape and size of the kidney.
2) Place the rock in a large, heavy pot.
3) Place the kidney on the rock.
4) Cover with water.
5) Boil until the rock is tender.
6) Throw out the kidney and eat the rock.
Vegan [Richos] - 08:39pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#154 of 1135)
Yeeeeeeechhh
I wouldn't even eat the rock
[Johnnyba] - 08:42pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#155 of 1135)
The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian
ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had
to offer.
On the final day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said "As your stay is coming to an end, it is time for you to play our traditional
game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull
the trigger."
This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men
took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers.
<click> <click>
Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief.
The African ambassador was much impressed with the couragous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian
Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year.
When the visit came, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay. Leading him
to a private room in the palace, the African ambassador spoke "Now it is time for you to sample our game, African roulette". So
saying, he led the Russian into the room, the only occupants of which were six beautiful, naked women.
The African ambassador said "These women are the most beautiful members of one of our tribes. Any one of them will give you a
blowjob - take your pick".
The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn't see the connection with Russian Roulette. He said "Well, ok, great,
but where's the roulette part? Where's the danger?"
With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador answered:
"One of them's a cannibal"
If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with! [CooterBrown] - 11:27pm Jun 29, 1998 EST
(#156 of 1135)
LOL!
[_Liz_] - 11:31pm Jun 29, 1998 EST (#157 of 1135)
ewwwww.
[_Liz_] - 12:20am Jun 30, 1998 EST (#158 of 1135)
Dear Dave:
Why does it have to be so hard to love some people? And why are some people such ding dongs?
jimbe5 [JimBe5] - 12:50am Jun 30, 1998 EST (#159 of 1135)
It was early one morning in the sperm colony and while all the rest of the sperms were still sleeping, one sperm,SUPER SPERM
was already up junping rope , doing pushups and had already run a mile before the other sperms woke up.
Super Sperm was a go getter ahead of all the rest, always working out to be in top physical condition.He kept saying over and over
to himself "I'm going to be th one to fertlize the egg".
Then one night THE ALARM SOUNDED Super Sperm was off in a flash running as hard as he could and all the time saying I'M
going to be the one to fretlize the egg. As he runs he looks back and sees he is way ahead of the others excitement and anxiety are
running high
All of a sudden Super Sperm skreches and slides to a stop and quickly turns around with the most horrified look that any sperm
could have on his face.
He is waiving his arms wildly and shouting GO BACK, GO BACK.........
It's a Blow Job
Ken Starrs worst nightmare
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 12:56am Jun 30, 1998 EST (#160 of 1135)
jimbe5
I'm having a hard time picturing your SuperSperm with arms and legs! However, I can deal with that. But where in blazes is the
mile he ran?
"Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply". [jollyollie] - 01:00am Jun 30, 1998 EST (#161 of 1135)
Coulda been worse, he coulda cracked his head on a wall of latex.....
[_Liz_] - 02:03am Jun 30, 1998 EST (#162 of 1135)
He is waiving his arms wildly and shouting GO BACK, GO BACK......... <
ROFL!
[Rich Pasma] - 02:58am Jun 30, 1998 EST (#163 of 1135)
I will cast my vote for having the search feature on this board available. As far as this the issue about it affecting the speed of this
service, I would consider the source. It has to be coming from the people responsible for the software driving this board. Given
the number of problems these people have just keeping this board working, I would cast some doubt upon their competence.
As far as credibility goes, just consider the message, presented below, that is given if you click on the search button.
I n the next few weeks Pathfinder will be adding a Search feature to its boards that will allow users to search the entire boards
community both by keyword and by concept. Until then, please bear with us while we work to get this feature up and running.
This message in response to clicking on the search button has been there for about two years. In an off line discussion I
expressed some of the concerns I had about this with Marcus and how it could affect the credibility of this board. Well as many
other things I have to admit I was wrong about this; however, as an interesting side note, I received what was probably Marcus's
last official communication as a CNN Webmaster. To the delight of many people here, he objected to what I had to say and was quite
supportive towards the management of this board.
The thing is I have had some first hand experience with computer hacks about 10 years ago. What I learned in dealing with them
was, because the felt that they knew more about what it was they were doing, they thought that they could lie and get away with
it. If you think about this for a moment this is not all that hard to understand, given human nature what it unfortunately is at
times.
Fortunately from the business end of things I have not had to deal with this, and I suspect that the situation with this type of
relationship in the business world has improved since I last had to deal with It.
As far as adding the search engine capabilities to this board slowing things down, I do not buy it. In simple terms a search engine
provides indexed information at a very high speed. Without a search engine you are going to have one of two situations, either
people taking tremendous resources looking for information, or people that are interested in finding information that are going
to do nothing because it is so difficult to get information. If you are coming from the philosophy of providing a service this makes
no sense.
Coming at this from the angle that by providing a search feature, the use of it by current users is going to add to the overhead,
given what was presented above this does not seem likely, given that inefficient searches are going to be eliminated in many
cases.
On the other hand the use of a search feature by the current users is going to improve the quality of this board by increasing the
accountability of what people say here. If that were to slow things down here a bit, it may speed up the pace of discussion.
Another possibility would be that by adding a search feature to this board, it would be slowed down by increased participation.
Anyone that would even consider that adding this feature would decrease efficiency of the discussion here by increased volume
would in my opinion have rocks for brains. Given some of the things I have done here, it would surprise me it you would not have
a hard time finding people saying the same thing about me. With this said, I am willing to allow the chips fall where they may.
Have fun.
RP,
Rancho Cucamonga, CA
[_Liz_] - 03:52am Jun 30, 1998 EST (#164 of 1135)
Oops...i forgot to vote.
Dump it. *g*
NiCad [Nigel Cadwalader] - 08:20am Jun 30, 1998 EST (#165 of 1135)
They had the search function available on the cnn.com message boards, and they eventually disabled it. I vote to keep search
disabled here in order to maintain system resources for reading and posting.
Peaceful [Richos] - 08:53am Jun 30, 1998 EST (#166 of 1135)
Why not just let us go to a # post in the thread.
Or put them down the bottom like the search engines - ie 1-10 11- 20 etc etc.
Of course you would still need 200 of them on the bottom of some threads but this could be done by clicking an arrow at the
bottom possibly.
NiCad [Nigel Cadwalader] - 09:25am Jun 30, 1998 EST (#167 of 1135)
Why not just let us go to a # post in the thread.
In a kludgy way, you can. Simply right click on the post number and copy link location. Then open page, paste the link in, and
modify the last set of digits in the link for the post you want.
Peaceful [Richos] - 09:30am Jun 30, 1998 EST (#168 of 1135)
Thanks Nicad, nothing kludgy about that it works brilliantly.
[jcastro] - 09:21pm Jun 30, 1998 EST (#169 of 1135)
Thanks for letting me know what you think about search. Rich, I guess I should thank you for pointing out that stupid
oversight in leaving up the promise of search that has been up there since who knows when. As you may know, the person
who put that up there didn't really know the implications of enabling it, among which would be slowing down the boards. Such
is life -- often the people making the decisions about how these systems should work do not actually participate in them. We've
been talking it over with the guys in the engine room, and at this point, we're going to take a pass on search. I think you'd all
be unhappy with the impact on the boards. Thanks for helping us think this through. I did want to know what y'all thought.
Janice
[CyberGuy97] - 10:05am Jul 1, 1998 EST (#170 of 1135)
Dave,
Why are both of the e-mail links broken? I need to get in touch with you about board policies...
CyberGuy97
Cat [Catrin] - 10:18am Jul 1, 1998 EST (#171 of 1135)
Hi everybody! I didn't get lost - I've just sort of lost interest in my computer lately...which I hope will pass.
Janice said, "...the person who put that up there didn't really know the implications of enabling it, among which would be
slowing down the boards. Such is life -- often the people making the decisions about how these systems should work do not
actually participate in them. We've been talking it over with the guys in the engine room, and at this point, we're going to take
a pass on search. I think you'd all be unhappy with the impact on the boards..."
Forgive me, Janice, but such is NOT life. That sounds absurd to me, being that we're talking about the great and illustrious
TIME/Warner, a mega-conglomerate that is bigger and richer than God.
If the search function will slow the system down, you have inadequate hardware. This is not rocket science.
Tell them to spend some money.
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 10:28am Jul 1, 1998 EST (#172 of 1135)
Good to see you again, Cat! Hope you stick around for a while! You are in my thoughts often!
"Taxation with representation isn't so hot, either". [jollyollie] - 10:29am Jul 1, 1998 EST (#173 of 1135)
Or... they could send all us loyal wonderful posters new equipment! Now there's a PR policy with potential! (Hi Catrin!)
[DaveGin] - 11:29am Jul 1, 1998 EST (#174 of 1135)
Jollie
I've tried to respond to the email you sent, but they keeping getting kicked back because your address has fatal errors.
Dave McLemore/TIME Online
Cat [Catrin] - 11:43am Jul 1, 1998 EST (#175 of 1135)
Mel & Ollie - backatcha.
Ollie: Us having new equipment wouldn't help much if the TIME server is slow...
Ban Nerf-Worlders Before They Ban Everything Else [Panama Hank] - 11:55am Jul 1, 1998 EST (#176 of 1135)
"Ollie: Us having new equipment wouldn't help much if the TIME server is slow..."
It would sure help me. This is not the only place I visit on the Internet. :)
[DaveGin] - 01:52pm Jul 1, 1998 EST (#177 of 1135)
Good question, Cyberguy
You are not alone. A few others have experienced difficulties getting email through the SEND EMAIL TO HOST button. Though
most of you have no problem at all.
Send specific details of what error messages are returned to help@pathfinder.com
Dave McLemore/TIME Online
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 05:19pm Jul 1, 1998 EST (#178 of 1135)
Dave, are all scatological references verboten?
This item just goes to prove that government is full of, um, well, you know!
Bird Droppings Fill Ore. City Hall
ECHO, Ore. (AP) -- Pigeons have found one way to fight City Hall.
When this northeastern Oregon community of 615 people decided it was time to remodel City Hall, workers
ventured into the 4,000-square-foot attic and found 5 1/2 tons of pigeon droppings. It had collected there since
the two-story building opened in 1916.
Five and a half tons!
``It's a wonder the ceiling didn't collapse,'' City Manager Diane Berry said.
Ten years ago, broken windows were boarded up to stop the roosting. But the birds still were able to enter
through the damaged roof.
Wouldn't you expect there would be some odor to provide a clue as to what was happening in the attic?
The pigeon droppings contained asbestos, a potential cancer-causing material once used to insulate buildings.
Even with a high-efficiency vacuum and several shovels, a company that specializes in asbestos removal needed
five days to clean the attic.
Now, why is there asbestos in the droppings? Is this a naturally occurring substance in pigeons or did the pigeons have to eat
it?
Guano make a guess how much this cleanup will cost?
[DaveGin] - 05:24pm Jul 1, 1998 EST (#179 of 1135)
You seem to know your way around scatology, Mel
You relayed a funny story without using the "S" word. Excellent.
And it's a story that confirms the wisdom of taking cover when the pigeons fly over in Oregon.
DaveGin
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 05:30pm Jul 1, 1998 EST (#180 of 1135)
Dave, is that all the comment you have to make?
sniff*
[DaveGin] - 05:36pm Jul 1, 1998 EST (#181 of 1135)
No slight intended, Mel
It's just hard to add anything significant to a tale of 5.5 tons of pigeon dung accumulating at City Hall for 82 years.
DaveGin
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 05:42pm Jul 1, 1998 EST (#182 of 1135)
sigh*
Oh never mind!
[DaveGin] - 05:50pm Jul 1, 1998 EST (#183 of 1135)
Of course, you will be punished, Mel, for the guano pun.
Did you think I didn't notice?
DaveGin
Cat [Catrin] - 05:53pm Jul 1, 1998 EST (#184 of 1135)
Well, is it significant to comment that it's odorless? At least, I never smelled it when I was in places where many pigeons
congregate...or even when it was in my hair...
Melanie [Hush Puppy] - 06:01pm Jul 1, 1998 EST (#185 of 1135)
Yes, Dave, I thought you didn't notice! :^)
"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else" [SherrieG] - 12:13am Jul 2, 1998 EST (#186 of 1135)
I have tried, Lord knows I've tried, Dave, but I just cannot bite my tongue another second.
THEY ARE NOT LENNY BRUCE'S SEVEN WORDS, THEY ARE GEORGE CARLIN'S.
absolUTELY immature [Crimson] - 01:09am Jul 2, 1998 EST (#187 of 1135)
LOL, Sherry, I did wonder about that. Lenny Bruce?? I sure SOUNDS like George Carlin's voice everynight when I close the
windows program done. *G*
.
Shoot, I forgot to change the 'handle'. And there's no way to edit that. Gonna change it now......
Voici homme de Da! [CooterBrown] - 01:13am Jul 2, 1998 EST (#188 of 1135)
Hey, Cat! Glad to see you back!
Young at heart. Slightly older in other places. [Crimson] - 01:13am Jul 2, 1998 EST (#189 of 1135)
I've been going to ask Dave: Where do you suppose the saying 'In seventh heaven' came from? And what are the other six
heavens?
[DaveGin] - 08:54am Jul 2, 1998 EST (#190 of 1135)
George Carlin, eh?
Well...it should have been Lenny Bruce.
As for Seventh Heaven...isn't that from a Carlin routine?
DaveGin
"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else" [SherrieG] - 09:28am Jul 2, 1998 EST (#191 of 1135)
Heheheheh Dave, Lenny Bruce NEVER found a word he didn't think he could and should say.
I remember he used to get arrested in San Francisco every other night.
[jcastro] - 07:31pm Jul 2, 1998 EST (#192 of 1135)
Nice to see you back, Cat!
Janice
Ray--Well, of course ARMED peasants tend to be uppity! [wardaddy] - 07:49pm Jul 2, 1998 EST (#193 of 1135)
Welcome back, cat
Hope everything is well with you.
Did you guys know that the Lenny Bruce recordings are available again. I get some vintage music catalog every month or so,
and I ordered mine from them. I dno't believe that they are the complete sets, but they are terrific.
If I remember correctly George Carlin got the idea form Lenny Bruce. Carlin got arrested one night when Bruce was busted.
Carlin, in a show of support, refused to give the cops his identification and got hauled off with Bruce. I've always admired
Carlin for that.
[_Liz_] - 07:55pm Jul 2, 1998 EST (#194 of 1135)
I have never heard a Lenny Bruce routine, but Lyle and I have laughed ourselves nearly into comas listening to Carlin.
'A Place For My Stuff' is especially relevant now that we have separate bathrooms. Wasn't it Bette Davis who said a marriage
cannot survive unless the husband and wife have separate bathrooms?
[masontwo] - 07:57pm Jul 2, 1998 EST (#195 of 1135)
I have been having Java trouble again on the board...am I alone? I have to disable Java when I use the Board and enable again
when I move off.....
Not very convenient...am I alone in this?
Ray--Well, of course ARMED peasants tend to be uppity! [wardaddy] - 08:04pm Jul 2, 1998 EST (#196 of 1135)
Liz
"A place for my stuff" is a classic, but then everything Carlin does is classic.
Lenny Bruce is hard to explain. With him, there was no middle ground, you either hated him or you loved him. Many parents of
the late fifties thought that their college aged children were going to Hell by way of Sing Sing and San Quentin for listening to
him.
There were some other wonderful comics back then. Shelley Berman, the Canadian Mort Sahl (who used a current newspaper
for his script onstage-everything was exemporaneous), and many others. Bob Newhart, whose routines are still hilarious after
over thirty years, got started back in those days. His King Kong routine is a classic and available again after he did an MTV
concert a few years back.
"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else" [SherrieG] - 11:30pm Jul 2, 1998 EST (#197 of 1135)
My dad always played Shelly Berman and Bob Newhart albums...I used to LOVE them, bet he still has them around somewhere.
Remember that revolutionary war thing newhart did? "hey did you hear about what Nutty George did? Crossed a river and stood
up in the damn boat..."
[Snow Pea] - 11:34pm Jul 2, 1998 EST (#198 of 1135)
Mason -- Sorry to hear about your coffee problem. Have you tried grinding the beans yourself?
"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else" [SherrieG] - 11:40pm Jul 2, 1998 EST (#199 of 1135)
I can hear it now...
"Grinding? You're s'posed to GRIND em?"
[Snow Pea] - 11:45pm Jul 2, 1998 EST (#200 of 1135)
Grinding is half the fun, now isn't it?
"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else" [SherrieG] - 12:19am Jul 3, 1998 EST (#201 of 1135)
50 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by actual journalists)
1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
9. Stud Tires Out
10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
15. Eye Drops off Shelf
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
30. War Dims Hope for Peace
31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
35. Deer Kill 17,000
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else" [SherrieG] - 12:23am Jul 3, 1998 EST (#202 of 1135)
Life's Lessons -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.
Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public restroom.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do.
A person who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
A modern pioneer is a person who can get through a rainy Saturday when the television's on the blink.
The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.
Money isn't everything....there's credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks.
Some people are like blisters. They don't show up until the work is done.
A true friend is one that lets his grass grow as tall as his neighbor's.
A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
If you don't know where you're going, you're never lost.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else" [SherrieG] - 12:25am Jul 3, 1998 EST (#203 of 1135)
What If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Documentation?
Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
You can't say this?
What a shame, Sir!
We'll find you
Another game sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of everyone else ;-) [SherrieG] - 12:34am Jul 3, 1998 EST (#204
of 1135)
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "inflight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real
examples that have been heard or reported:
"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable
position."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our
compliments."
"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you
to the wing of the airplane."
"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane
immediately."
"Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it's warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it's
dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know."
Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about
as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight
pattern."
Pilot - "Folks, if you were with us last week, we never got around to mentioning that it was National Procrastination day. If you
get a chance this week, please try to celebrate it. If you can't get to it, then maybe try to do it at the weekend, but no big rush.
Have a nice day."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we
enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve
luggage from the overhead bins. The head steward announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video
surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft
comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft.
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big
fella...WHOA..!"
Here are a few heard from Northwest: "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please
place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly
among the flight attendents. Please do not leave children or spouses."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!"
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of everyone else ;-) [SherrieG] - 12:44am Jul 3, 1998 EST (#205
of 1135)
Gentle Humor
Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.
There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that
wrinkles don't hurt.
Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere ... and let the air out of their tires. -Dorothy
Parker
Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day!
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of everyone else ;-) [SherrieG] - 01:56am Jul 3, 1998 EST (#206
of 1135)
Subject: The Potato Family
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner--Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest
daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make."
"And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes.
"Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!"
The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married! That's wonderful! And who are you
marrying, Eldest daughter?"
"I'm marrying a Russet!"
"A Russet!" replied Mother Potato with pride. "Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"
As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother? I, too, have an announcement."
"And what might that be?" encouraged Mother Potato.
Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, "I, too, am getting married!"
"You, too!" Mother Potato said with joy. "That's wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying,
Middle Daughter?"
"I'm marrying an Idaho!" beamed the middle daughter.
"An Idaho!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"
Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plans for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter
interrupted. "Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make."
"Yes?" said Mother Potato with great anticipation.
"Well," began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sisters before her, "I hope this doesn't
come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!"
"Really?" said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. "All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who,
pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?"
"I'm marrying Wolf Blitzer!"
"WOLF BLITZER?!" Mother Potato scowled suddenly. "But he's just a common tater!"
ChuckWM [ChuckWM] - 04:48pm Jul 3, 1998 EST (#207 of 1135)
Dear Redneck Son:
I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles
from your home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they
moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and
pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be to heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on,
so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if your an aunt or an uncle. The baby
looks just like your brother....
Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully and drowned. We had
him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety.
Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love, Mom
Posted (not written) by Chuck (not Mom).
ChuckWM [ChuckWM] - 04:52pm Jul 3, 1998 EST (#208 of 1135)
DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN
Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them
say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in
our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say......LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
Chuck
ChuckWM [ChuckWM] - 04:55pm Jul 3, 1998 EST (#209 of 1135)
Not a funny, where's the kneenex?
Puppies For Sale
A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read, "Puppies for Sale." Signs like that have a way of attracting small
children and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign.
"How much are you going to sell the puppies for?", he asked.
The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50."
The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. "I have $2.37," he said, "Can I please look at them?"
The store owner smiled and out of the kennel came five teeny tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerably behind.
Immediately, the little boy singled out the lagging puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?"
The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It
would always limp.
The little boy became excited and said, "That's the puppy I want to buy."
The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you."
The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That
little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs, and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now and 50 cents a
month until I have him paid for."
The store owner countered, "You don't really want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play
with you like the other puppies."
To this the little boy reached down and pulled up his pants leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a metal
brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself and the little puppy will need
someone who understands."
(*Sniff*) Chuck
ChuckWM [ChuckWM] - 05:03pm Jul 3, 1998 EST (#210 of 1135)
The CIA and The Woman Applicant
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and
there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some
applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a
woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test
took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no
matter what the circumstances", they explained.
"Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man got a shocked look on his face
and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" "Well", says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man
for this job then."
So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter
what the circumstances", they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and
kill her."
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes,
then the door opened.
The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I
guess I'm not the right man for the job." "No" the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and hand her the same gun.
"We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances", this is your final test. Inside you will
find your husband sitting in a chair. "Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door.
Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell
broke loose in the room.
They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened
slowly, and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow and said "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the son of a
bitch to death with the chair!"
Chuck
ChuckWM [ChuckWM] - 05:09pm Jul 3, 1998 EST (#211 of 1135)
TRUE STORY
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man,
one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him,the other astronauts
and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there
was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to
what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky"
statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question
to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the
question.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of
his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs.
Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky... "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid
next door walks on the moon!"
Chuck
ChuckWM [ChuckWM] - 05:17pm Jul 3, 1998 EST (#212 of 1135)
An 85 year old man was about to marry a 35 year old woman.
The old man's doctor gave him a physical before the wedding and found the man to be in the fit of health. "However, the strain
upon you with a young bride means you must have separate bedrooms and don't go anywhere on your honeymoon. Give
yourself time." The old man agreed.
Upon the wedding night the couple returned to the family home to get ready for bed, the bride to her room and the groom to
his room. Not more than five minutes passed when there was a "knock, knock" upon the woman's bedroom door.
"Come in," she said, only to fine her new husband standing there, stark naked with a smile on his face. They proceeded to make
wild and passionate love for the next hour. Finally, the old man got out of his wife's bed, turned and returned to his own room.
The new bride, drifted off to sleep.
Not more than 30 minutes passed when there was another "knock, knock" upon the woman's bedroom door.
"Come in," she said, only to fine her new husband standing there again, stark naked with a smile on his face. "This looks
interesting," the bride thought to herself and accepted the offer. They proceeded to make wild and passionate love for the next
hour. Finally, the old man got out of his wife's bed, turned and returned to his own room. The new bride, lay there, unable to
sleep.
Not more than another 30 minutes passed when there was another "knock, knock" upon the woman's bedroom door.
"Come in," she said, only to find her new husband standing there again, stark naked with a smile on his face.
"Now wait a minute there, dear. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I've known men less than half of your age who were
lucky to make love just once a day. Tell me, my love, how DO you do it?"
The old looked at her with a quizzled face and asked, "Have I been here before?"
Chuck
NiCad [Nigel Cadwalader] - 06:43pm Jul 3, 1998 EST (#213 of 1135)
TRUE STORY
Urban Legend
If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail? [SherrieG] - 07:04pm Jul 3, 1998 EST (#214 of 1135)
Hey, Chuck, that puppy story has just absolved you from every word you have ever said that pissed me off.
You now have a clean slate with me.
Sniff.
[DaveGin] - 11:16pm Jul 3, 1998 EST (#215 of 1135)
Hey, folks
Just wanted to say, "Happy Birthday, America."
And to remember that America is us. The Democrats. The' Republicans. The Libertarians. The Liberals and the Conservatives.
We're going to have bad leaders and good ones and we'll always argue about which is which.
There will always be moments of pity and sorrow and almost indescribable joy at what the nation can do.
For all the bad times and bad moves, all the terrible days of depression and war and the intrigue and fear we seem to echo in
these boards, let's not forget that the system works.
We're in this national experiment for the long haul. The people will prevail. We owe it to our children to keep remembering
that.
DaveGin
[masontwo] - 11:32pm Jul 3, 1998 EST (#216 of 1135)
"The people will prevail"
(DaveGin..1998)
[DaveGin] - 11:38pm Jul 3, 1998 EST (#217 of 1135)
Actually, Carl Sandburg said that. I just agree with him.
DaveGin
[masontwo] - 11:44pm Jul 3, 1998 EST (#218 of 1135)
"The people will prevail"(DaveGin & Carl
Sandburg)
[_Liz_] - 03:07am Jul 4, 1998 EST (#219 of 1135)
Good message, Dave. Can I copy that elsewhere? I'll give you *both* credit.
If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail? [SherrieG] - 03:34am Jul 4, 1998 EST (#220 of 1135)
12 ways to get rid of telemarketers:
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because
no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just
died..." When they get try to get back to the sell, just continue your problems.
3. If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name, then ask them to spell the company name,
then ask them where it's located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as
necessary.
4. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter and Siegel services....
You: "Hang on a second." (few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?"
5. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!! Is this really you? Oh, my God! Judy, how have you
BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you
from.
6. Say, "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This
is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I
don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
8. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out? You can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood?"
9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh,"
"Really?", or "Thats fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell
them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone who's a complete stranger.
10. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example:
Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Watertronics."
You: "Watertronics!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?"
Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas."
You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to
employees! Oh well, see ya."
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh, my God!!!" and
then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they
are not allowed to give out their number, ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home. (this is
usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers)
******************************************************
How to keep yourself amused
Pick up a dog so it can see things from your point of view (Amusement Potential: 3-5 minutes).
Think about it: your dog has only seen the house from a viewpoint from 6" to 2' high (15 to 60 cm for all you metric fans). It's
never seen the tops of counters,what you keep on your desk, the tops of shelves, etc. Try looking at things from its point of
view, too.
If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail? [SherrieG] - 03:49am Jul 4, 1998 EST (#221 of 1135)
MURPHY'S LAWS OF PARENTHOOD:
1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.
2. Leakproof thermoses - aren't.
3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
4. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.
5. The shirt your child INSISTS on wearing today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.
6. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.
7. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look. (well,
of COURSE it will. Once you find it, you STOP LOOKING.)
8. Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room.
9. Refrigerated items used daily will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.
10. Your chances of being seen by someone you know (or wish you knew) dramatically increase if you drive your child to
school in your robe and curlers.
Another Deep Thought:
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
Liberty, Liberation, Liberal... [Rocketman57] - 03:56am Jul 4, 1998 EST (#222 of 1135)
Dave,
Hi. I'm just wondering when it is you sleep so I can post a bunch of dirty stuff.
rocket
Laid back, beer drinking, guitar picking, pork eating DUDE! [CooterBrown] - 08:11am Jul 4, 1998 EST (#223 of 1135)
Go for it Rocket! He'll be busy doing the family stuff today!
[Johnnyba] - 09:02am Jul 4, 1998 EST (#224 of 1135)
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a
tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer,after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a
hole and bury the politicians.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone. The
old farmer said he had buried them. The sheriff then asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?" The old farmer replied,
"Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
[DaveGin] - 10:20am Jul 4, 1998 EST (#225 of 1135)
Liz
Carl and I say go for it.
DaveGin
[DaveGin] - 10:23am Jul 4, 1998 EST (#226 of 1135)
Rockets, my name is Legion
I never sleep. I know all and see all. And I can tell you right now, you ought to stop dressing like that while your on the
computer.
People will talk.
And it wouldn't kill you to clean up the mess a bit.
DaveMom
[jollyollie] - 03:05pm Jul 4, 1998 EST (#227 of 1135)
What was the issue? It was suitably labeled for those with old browsers. It was friendly, non partisan, folks were learning, no
name calling, no acrimony and totally harmless. And a pleasant diversion on a peaceful Saturday afternoon. Can't have any of
all that I spose....
[_Liz_] - 03:11pm Jul 4, 1998 EST (#228 of 1135)
With regard to the burning Animated Gif debate:
No. I do not believe the world revolves around me. But I DO believe it is outrageously selfish to expect people to take the time to
download new software, and spend the inordinate amount of time, in my case HOURS, to transfer all the old stuff to the new, so
that YOU (generic you) can post gifs in a thread when you know they are locking up other people's browsers.
I'm not the first one to make this request. Enough people were having problems with them before that Dave posted a request
for you all to stop using them. But even if I WERE the only one, I don't frequent enough threads that my request should restrict
your creative urges so much.
I don't bitch about the animated gifs in the RR or any other thread. Or even any other thread I participate in. I do not protest
their use in any other thread I have parented, if they are being used there.
I do protest their use in the Cafe. They aren't allowed there. And if you have a problem with that, take it up with Dave. And then
get real used to it.