I tried one last time to contact Darryl, I asked for a meeting so that I can get closure, so that I can concretely face it being the end. No answer, no contact, nothing. I don't understand how you wouldn't want to give me closure, a finality. I don't understand how you wouldn't want to help me move on.

Bastard's got my beer, too.

Anyhow, today is another day, and I have other things to plod on with. Friends are taking me to Barley's for a night out. They have a bunch of local bands playing and it should be fun. I'm trying to get Michelle to go. People are beginning to notice I've lost weight, and are concerned. I haven't ate since Sunday at Michelle's, except for an appetizer at Chili's and, well, a lot of beer.

I still feel lost and abandoned and I hate it. I'm pushing through it, and everyone says it will take time. I'm not good with patience or waiting. I'm chomping at the bit for it to get warmer so I can run, and I'm anxious to get to where I don't feel anxious. Everything is going forward, and I hope it can take me with it.

I hope I can get to the point where I can remember the good times with Darryl and not ache. I don't want to hate him, I don't want to dislike him, I don't want to lose the love I have for him, but I don't want to be under this thrall. I want to be able to move on, as he has done.

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