It was a warm 52 degrees in the land of the heeing haws. Since i was in a grand 'fuck it' mindset and the sunshine felt good, i took my first run of 2010 and it was more than awesome. I ran through town to the track through my graveyard and even got to flip somebody off. I had the most intense runner's high and my legs held up extremely well. I think if my stamina matched my strength, i could have done three extra miles. As it was, i did about four miles total, about three and a half hours of just working out, in the coldest weather I've ever attempted. You just can't imagine how good I felt. I danced as i ran, sang as i travelled, and the steel in my legs that i created this summer was still there, but even more fortified since all the injuries. I churned with energy and i couldn't stop smiling.

After all that, I dropped in at the Hole. The place is growing on me, and i guess i am growing on them. Played in a nine ball tourney, and saw some Old Mill family that showed up. Friends who were worried about me, got me heat and I really had emense joy in the sunshine. No offense to the big D cause I love him beyond words, but I felt young again today. And alive. For the past three months, i really didn't. Don't get me wrong, it was something I wanted, and something I allowed to happen to me - but I bent towards him so much, i let myself age and i let myself accomodate the situation. Because of love. I am on just this side of 40, although truth be told, I'm nowhere near being that old, or adult. He was two years from being 50, and although he possessed a lot of the stability and security I needed, I guess my youth, in all its flawed package is something he had no use for and couldn't nurture. I felt so alive today - could be the sunshine, could be the company i keep now, but i felt so free today.

Too bad the sunshine goes away tomorrow.

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