It's a learning experience, life is. And every once in a while, I have a bit of bad judgment.

Thank god it wasn't fatal, just annoying.

I went to "party" with some friends, acquaintances really, that are excruciatingly young. And excruciatingly Hee Hawing. To preface this, Hammer and his friends are very nice. I play pool with them on occasion and they have never done anything malicious towards me.

With that being said, I am so overjoyed at being 41 and having some sense. After spending a good part of the night with these people, I am wondering when I was 20, was I as cabbage-headed as they are?

At some point during the night, I was referred to as the quiet one, so you know something is amiss somewhere. So, I half heartedly agree to head out to Hammer's house somewhere out in Bum Fuck Egypt. No. Wait. I live in Bum Fuck Egypt. This, would be, I guess, Bummer Fuck Egypt. Turns out these 23 year old guys live in a fixed up garage type thing. They have no running water but they have a 52 inch plasma screen on a swivel set up in the living room. So, they want beer, and they are digging through change jars to dig up a bunch of quarters to get them Bud Light. Since $3.50 in quarters won't get them a couple packs of cigarettes, much less two six packs of this piss water, they call up to the Rat Hole and order two sixers to go, and since they are WAY drunk (don't worry, I didn't ride with them anywhere) they go ahead and pay $30 for them. They send me and another girl up back to the Rat Hole to get this stuff, and pensively have one of the guys bag this shit up for me. The bartenders and bouncers are actual friends of mine, and cautiously inquire as to where I am going and who I am with. They shoot me "be careful" looks and let me loose. I head back for the car, thinking about the fact that I can't get cell coverage out in BFE and the thought of something horrible happening to me crosses my mind several times, pauses and then sets up shop.

I get back to find three big dudes splayed out on the leather sectional watching the TV which is hooked up to video cameras set up around the house. I don't really know how much these guys had to drink, but I'm pretty sure, even being 23 and 230 lbs. I could drink more than they could without acting like a gigantic retard. I'm watching them drink more beers and smoke a little pot.

I'm watching big 23 year old dudes stumble around like they can't remember how to work their legs to walk, and Hammer is humping the wall to the beat of AC/DC. I'm not a tremendous fan of heavy metal or AC/DC, so I've got the ipod in while they are jumping around on the couch, hoisting beers upward and almost every word out spoken is some sort of southern sounding grunt and groan.

I'm watching these big dudes lick a battery. I watched one put a licked battery on his penis.

There was more falling over and laughing. There was some humping of the wall, and then the TV. I was quiet, listening to my ipod, praying for death. One dude falls asleep a little a ways from me, and the rest disappear. Since I am frightened to death on walking in on something I'll have to gauge my eyes out later for, I sit and play iphone games until my battery runs out. Eventually, my ride emerges from god knows where from doing god knows what, and I indicate I'm more than eager to get the fuck out of there.

For most of the night, I silently bemoan the absence of my friends, my hangout, and D. I thought about how we "partied." And with a few exceptions, I remember us getting just as happy as these guys, just as inebriated, just as stumbly but I think we were generally smarter. We had conversation and engaging activity. Even when me and D just decided to watch videos and overdose on white russians, it wasn't near as a vacuous night as this. I wonder if I'm just too judgmental. I wonder if I'm just too snobby. I wonder if I'm just too old. I had a better time sitting in the Waffle House all those other nights just talking. I had more wonderful times watching videos or playing pool. I had tremendously great times cheering football or even just eating dinner with D. I miss substance in my activity. No. That's not quite right. I miss an emotional attachment to my company.

Although if I had one last night, I still would have thought it was a gathering of the most retarded people I have ever seen lately.

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