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BAD DAY

20 November 2018, 14:44

I’m having a bad day. A very bad day. One of those days that your boss has to come to you and remind you “we’re only human.”

I’m having such a bad day. I’m on the verge of bawling just because the frustration and the feeling of failure. I take my job really seriously and I messed up something – we all mess up, I am reminded, just so long as you learn from it. But it gets to me, when I do something wrong. Anything wrong. So. I’ve had a bad day. And its just more piled upon some other crap I had to deal with so, it’s a heavy load.

I’m having a bad day. And I feel isolated and pretty alone in my misery. I’ve felt pretty alone and miserable about all year so, I’m trying not to let it get to me more than normal. It just feels like a lot of blame for things I DID and DIDN’T do lately. It’s hard to go through shit like, be weak, and try to stand back up by yourself.

I’m having a really bad day. I feel like chucking it all and giving up. But I can’t. I feel like I’m the biggest failure in the world, and I’m only about 20% sure that’s untrue. I want to give up. I want to be comforted. I want a shoulder to cry on. I want to feel sorry for myself just for a little while. But I can’t.

I try SO FUCKING HARD. But it’s never hard enough. I give A LOT. It’s all never enough. It’s all just never good enough. I’m never a good enough person, a good enough anything.

I’m just having a bad day. I’m trying to keep in mind this all will pass. But all I can think of are all my bad decisions, my missed opportunities, my strength that has drained from me. I can’t think of all the good things I have done, the good person I am.

I’m having an enormously bad day and I don’t know how to make it better.

I have trouble believing my own words, “this is only temporary, this too shall pass”…

I have trouble not feeling like a failure.