| Now |


16 March 2018, 10:31

I am pretty jolly right now. Hard to believe, that me, the fountain of a chronically, snarky, depressive, chocolately vibe could be jolly. But, its TRUE.

So, a little bit ago, I was pretty down – pondering the thought of just calling in sick forever and watching reruns of the X-files (but only the mythology episodes) until “they” come and take me away in a van. “They” being all the people that aren’t me. I was worried, mainly about money. Up until hiring the lawyer, I was actually saving money at an alarming rate. Usually, I could probably find a butt ton of useless crap to blow my money on, but for some reason, the money was just building up in my accounts – thusly, allowing me to pay off credit cards, have electricity and eat food. I was even going to get some animals some extra professional attention, because everybody nails have grown into predatory bird like conditions and Easley has some sort of lump the size of a Toyota on her back. The vet said it was one of those benign subaceous cysts things and if I wanted it removed, he could probably do it. It’s just a nasty thing I hate accidentally touching. I was even thinking of paying off my medical bills and start looking at houses again. But, as in all things, I traded that for the freedom and peace of mind that comes from amputating 213 lb. tumor from your brain, and helping a starving lawyer make a car payment, because we all know the plight and poverty of divorce lawyers, and we all must do what we can for them.

I did budget for this and I did save a little, so it didn’t throw me in to financial rabbit hole, but it did produce a dent I had slog through. And by doing this, I was able to get the ungrateful, cheating, lying, turd nugget off my insurance.

This year just keeps getting better and better, and I have to continually remind myself not to be a self pitying asshole. I want to remind myself, and proudly display to you reading (all 10 of you) the things I can be really grateful for.

    • I have a wonderful, understanding landlady who helps me when she can, and that, in itself this month, is going to help me climb out of the negative.

    • Taking the giant Butt Pimple of a human being off my health insurance added some much needed cabbage to my paycheck. I was pleasantly surprised, and at the same time annoyed and angry. I sacrificed not-a-small-amount so Fuckwit could have health insurance and make sure he wasn’t dying of skin cancer. SHIT. I married the motherfucker so he could get health insurance. Turns out the the large discoloration that he was sure was some sort of malignacy was a giant age spot.

    • March 18th is when I am released from the fuckery of a real estate contract I signed with Blanchard and Calhoun. I will be able to, and probably will, start looking for houses. My bank, and indeed, a couple of other reputable banks said they’d give me a house loan, even without Dingus. Dingus’s contribution to the ability of me to secure a loan was minimal – he would have put in a down payment – and as it turned out, he wouldn’t have put in nearly what he thought he’d be able to, since he pissed off all the money he got for his “back injury” and his BIG PAYOFF was pretty meek. When I get on an even financial keel, here in about a month, I will be able to save for a down payment, and have at least 10% of the loan built up by the end of the year.

    • Although, I am not out there, tearing it up like Dingus is (because he’s free from it all, hallelujah, eh, Doug?), I am trying to make friends, and trying to do things. I’m finding out, I really am basically a homebody, and unlike Forest Shittier times, I like home and enjoy the two acres and watching all my redneck, meth-cooking, pig-raising, domestically dubious, neighbors. When I’m not doing that, I get out every once in a while and can be seen playing pool, shooting bands and events, and running. Turns out, I’m a simple gal with simple desires. But, I’m thinking of doing more political things now, since I renewed my ACLU membership, joined the SC Democratic party and the Democratic Women of SC. I might even buy a vagina hat to go march in public and piss off shitty people.

    • I can get a toaster if I want.

    • Through the Sadness-and-Salad diet (patent pending) I have lost about 35 pounds. It’s not wearing down evenly, but maybe if I just lose enough it will level out. Can’t tell if I’m pretty or not, yet, but I feel better with how I feel and how I look. It certainly doesn’t hurt that there is no one to criticize and demean my hair, my weight, my femininity, the way that I dress, and my makeup (or lack thereof).

    • I have a lot planned for the end of March and throughout April, and I am agog that I do. We never did much in the last couple of years, mostly because I worked and he was becoming one with the mattress. I couldn’t ever go to the bar and play pool because I served as a babysitter for an alcoholic that would either get in a fight with some stranger, invite women back to our house, or drunkenly hit cars in the parking lot and RUN like the wind. He always said I behaved badly in public, and so that made me apprehensive when I started venturing out. But, except for a couple of incidences of divorce blubbering of which everybody around me gave me love and shots to sooth my crying soul, I am a delight. I am confident, erudite, cynical and sarcastic. And I don’t have to forever monitor some other fuckhead to make sure things don’t go amiss. I no longer have to apologize for someone else, make amends for him going through some girls purse, apologize to countless bartendars for him being a dick, be hypervigilent for bouncers so someone doesn’t get his ass kick and have to explain to women, “yeah I really am his girlfriend”, “yeah, I know, but when he’s not drunk, he does treat me all right”, “yeah, I know what he’s doing isn’t cool” and the countless “yeah, I’m sorry, he’s just drunk.”

    • I am becoming a real, professional, PAID photographer. It’s not a ton, and its mostly payment in beer, but I do it for the practice and the fun. I want it to become something, I just don’t know what yet.

    • I am becoming more alone, and less lonely. Didn’t think that would happen a couple of months ago. I made the chicken shit he gave me into chicken salad. I took his selfish, soul-gutting, entitled, impulse driven lies and actions, and didn’t let it destroy my life. I’m having more better days than bad.

    • I’m writing more. Don’t know if that’s a good thing, but what the hell.

    • Things can only become more awesome because, here comes spring/summer.