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24 February 2015, 14:58

Resting after sweating.

Trying to find something worthwhile to do. I’d design something, but the software is a little overwhelming for this little computer, and I hate to wait 20 seconds after everything I do in photoshop. It’s not conducive to promoting a smooth creative flow.

I’m looking at the visitor logs to this… well… massive waste of time that I call mah rumblins… It’s official. I’m a BIG RUNAWAY hit with spiderbots and web crawlers. But. There are some real humans in there too. I count about 12? Holy shitsters, Batman. A couple of the IPs originate from China, and it seems I have some avid fans from France. Who knew? Hey, though, the googlebot loves me and when the googlebot loves you, you don’t need human love.

I’ve always wondered what this thing is. It started out as a column of sorts, not really personal, but just me trying and failing to be Dave Barry. I wrote about what I saw on TV or the news or dumb stuff like voicemail queues and voting. I have to admit, some of it was slighty amusing. Then it turned into a death blog. Yeah. THAT was a good time. Then it was what I call, the daily weird. Daily musings about crap NO one ever wants to know about. I excised most of it. It was very funny at the time, but it was something I think that should have been a temporary representation of the time at hand. Dumb personal shit, that served its purpose. It was something to do that seemed worthwhile. But as with anything, it had the one virtue of being eraseable. It’s probably somewhere on the internet, but its really not worth looking up. Now, this thing is a self improvement cuss fest. I seem to have a lot to say when I’m in crisis, or cranky, or mad, or otherwise incensed. Not a lot I want to pen when I’m happy. I wonder why that is? The writing tends to taper off when I’m happy. Right now, I have a lot of time on my hands so, there is a bit more motivation to fill some of it with something that doesn’t involve alcohol or Dr. Phil. But, I’m still limited as to what I can spew, since a lot of things that are worth writing about that I find hilarious involve Doug and he’s not to keen on starring in some crazy woman’s blog. I get a lot of material from my continual distain for the south. You would think that after living here for five years, it would grow on me. If it has grown on me at all, its like a fungus that I need to smear with cream and pray it goes away. I’ve sort of surrendered to the fact I live here, and I coexist. That means, I don’t go around saying the funny shit that pops into my head at strangers, and that my friends, is the definition of restraint on a massive level.

I like to write. Also, a lot of it stems from not having a lot of interaction with ANYTHING. Dogs don’t really carry on extensive conversations, and I do look forward to the occasional angry or bullshitty email from some stranger so that I can just unload on some poor soul. It’s not as fun conversating with norms, but I’ll do that too in a pinch. I can be normal for a good prolonged amount of time. I was thinking of writing some anonymous blog, and just letting loose the dogs of war. I just have the evil clown in me that WANTS/NEEDS/DESIRES to just say whatever is in my head. I would get tons of stranger email that I could reply to and there would be something to do to fill the days until the sunshine comes back and I can vent on people in person.

I CAN write like a normal person, I think. I can write things that are a bit less antisocial. It’s not as enjoyable but when I get the opportunity, I give it a good try. I wrote for other little sites on the internet (I might find those columns and transfer them here) and did a good impression of a semi-rational adult with something to say.

Chuck Latournos’s http://www.randommaccess.com was the first one I wrote for. The columns I wrote were barely journalistic and mostly mac related. I loved Chuck, he let me write on the internet, and provided me media access to Macworld for some years. I always felt like a fake writing for that site because I was thinking I should have a lot more technical knowledge and at least appear to have something relevant to say to his rather sophisticated audience. And when I categorize them as sophisticated, that means they can understand abstract thought and don’t post regularly on Reddit. (BTW, what is the deal with Reddit? I feel like I’m losing IQ points when I read that site).

The other site I wrote for was Mac Mothership. I loved that site, and he was just the best – “Just write…” John said. That was a mistake, because when you give me carte blanche, you get babble a lot of the time. I never know what to write, so inevitably I wrote some weird crap (http://www.macmothership.com/column/column.html). And my discipline just wasn’t what it should be. For either site. Not even for this little bloggy-blog.

Now-a-days, my brain overflows with flotsam on the treadmill, and after the initial cornocopia of bullshit that I’ll write on this whole self-improvement jaunt I’m on, a lot of that will be culled like pigs at the Oscar Meyer plant. I shouldn’t say that. I like pigs. But I like bacon, too. Shit. Right now, I’d LOVE some bacon.

I’m just at a quandary at what to do with a good part of my day. I can’t really do a lot of design or anything – the frustration level at the computer reaches a tipping point to where I want to drink. And I got no booze. I write, but then after a while writing to write produces a lot of stuff that you’ll need to delete in the future because it was butt-stupid. Exercising and cleaning sucks and its boring. It will get better when its not colder than the bottom of an Alaskan outhouse, but till then, it does rank high on the suckatude scale.

So. I wrote this. Which when you think about it, I’ll probably have to delete here in the next culling.