| Now |


30 May 2018, 12:59


Back at work, house is clean, pictures STILL need to be done, and I need to change this hair color. I am slowly getting use to just living again. I’m not feeling extremely UP or DOWN. I don’t feel lonely. I don’t feel uncomfortable. I don’t feel a lot of anything – which is nice.

I’m enjoying the non-excitement in my life.

Starting to feel comfortable and attractive in my own skin. I feel comfortable in, well, living. Still married, which sucks, but it doesn’t effect my life in the least now, except for its just one thing I still have to do, and really, its not a big thing, to delete that. I love the summer, and I have the mundane things of life to figure out. I need a new vaccum, I need to find someone to mow the lawn, maybe I’ll get some new clothes (though that really has bitten me in the ass when I do – I end up having to get more in a couple of months). I am SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND. You know why? Because I’m doing NOTHING. I COULD go do something. I MIGHT go do something. But I don’t have to do ANYTHING. I like this. And. I think I can do this because I love myself. I’m comfortable with myself. I’m CONFIDENT in myself. I don’t need to be doing ANYTHING with ANYBODY. I might do a little something on Friday, but that’s it.

I so want routine back in my life again. Predictability. Peace. Yeah, what a weird thing to long for, eh?