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20 August 2018, 08:10

Love my dogs. Really. I know you know this, but I do. More than myself, more than any human on this earth, more than anything, even my car. It brings me to tears when I see a strange dog suffer, nevermind one of my own.

As you all know, I’ve been struggling for the last 8 months, but I am really close to pulling it all out of the fire. It IS getting better, but so slowly it’s frustrating. None more frustrating is the fact that I can’t be a good doggie mommy right now. These dogs have SAVED my life this last stretch. They have been the only family I have, and they’ve loved me when noone else did. They have given everything to me and haven’t required anything back but food and belly rubs. I love these dogs and usually I will forgo a ton of things to keep these dogs healthy, fed and happy. I even turned back on the air conditioning so that they could be a bit more comfy in the daytime and that’s HUGE for me since I am so fucking cheap I could be mistaken for the big Walmart smiley face huckstering end cap items to fat, lumbering shoppers.

I am pulling it out of the fire, and I’ve made those who have been watching my progress proud – I only know this because they tell me, and, yeah, that makes me humble and weepy. I’m still in a frustratingly broke place, and my credit is taking a temporary hit. Everything is taking a hit. But, I am slowly making it all right. Even the things I didn’t mess up or destroy. I’m making my mistakes and misfortune right, and I’m even correcting some of the shit I inherited. I AM going to be all right. I am going to make it all alright. So. Since, all this …SHIT… that has been happening will soon be coming to a close, and the bricks of this new universe are being set in place, I am determined to be a good doggie mommy now.

This last month, Hurley has been limping and I don’t know why. I wonder if he sprained something because he is way too fat. His little legs can’t lug that massively thick sausage body around easily. He may have jumped down from something and landed wrong? He may have broken or injured something? He may have arthritis or leg cancer? I don’t know. It should have gotten better a bit, but its gotten a whole lot worse. I use to have anti-inflamation/pain killer for him, but that’s gone. I can’t see what part of his leg is in pain, don’t know WHAT is causing it, but I am determined that in September, I am taking Hurley into the vet for his yearlies and to have them look at his leg. I’ll be late on a car payment, so that I’ll fix this mutt. I try to keep it under wraps on how much I worry for him and how much it is breaking my heart when I see him hobble about the house. I am feeling magnitudes of guilt and I want to get him right again. He has been the best dog, of late. He’s been been a gentle giant and not at all scary. He’s one of the only dogs that minds when you call him, and listens when you talk to him. Hurley definitely has been developing into a loving, hopelessly devoted doggo who loves his humans… especially the one that has a penis.

That shit I don’t understand. I am the one that feeds and medicates him. I give him baths and helps him heave his fat ass on the bed. I let him suck my fingers and I will follow him when he neurotically barks for someone’s attention to go running outside to NOWHERE. I feed him treats and snuggle with him. I let him drool on my pillow and fart in my area. He loves his mommy, I know that. He’s cuddled with mommy and definitely loyal and loving to me, but as soon as I bring in a dude into the household, it doesn’t take him a day to be that penis’s best friend. He will walk on and over me to go cuddle with Brian. Feh. Oh well, I’ll still get the doggy fixed up. He really is the best little pittie in the world.

You have to know he’s in pain, and the leg is really bothering him. He is now, basically a three legged doggie, but he’s always ecstatically happy, wagging his tail and wanting to play. He rolls over wanting his belly rub, and wants to be on the couch all the time now. He is a big handsome boy, and is just filled with love and joy. So. I’m going to do what I can for him, all I can for him and I hope its enough. I also have the other two I need to have doctored up. Easley has a giant THING on her back. It moves with her skin and the vet said last time it was nothing to worry about, but it is SO yucky. Poor doggie turns 9 in January. And SHE is a ball of neurosis and happy, definitely. Sophie has SOMETHING amiss, but I don’t know, so her vet visit will be tense for me. Who knows what’s wrong with poor Sophe….

Please send good thoughts and positive energy for Hurley. I want this leg thing to be a TINY thing. I want him to be mobile doggie again, one free from pain. Give cyber hugs for my poopy, he needs them.