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24 April 2018, 08:34

Looking forward. I am looking forward with anticipation and excitement at this next two weeks.

Now, unless something ELSE horrendous happens (knock on the simulated wood grain that is my desk) I am going to love the upcoming weeks. I have the band shoot this weekend with a group that I actually LIKE listening to, so it will be an opportunity and a nice night out and about. I probably will do their band and the headliners.

I have the Charleston/Comedy shoot the week after that, and I am OVA DAH MOON about that. I have an all access photo pass and some comp tickets if I want them. Since none of my friends are liberal, or can get that Friday off, I am just taking my ONE friend and spending the day there, taking pictures and wandering around the city. Last time I went to Charleston was to pick up an organ or something and I didn’t even get out of the car. I like Charleston, about as much as I like Asheville. I’m just afraid of hurricanes and Charleston is on the coast where they have dem thangs. You would think I wouldn’t care since I love tornados so much, but with a tornado, they are small comparatively and theorectically escapable. Hurricanes are giant and have a cloud of dread and doom about them. Plus they last a WHOLE lot longer than a tornado does, and the weather stays cold before, during and after. With tornados, you can’t really feel the change in temperature unless your fairly close, and if you are that close, the cold is the least of your worries.

I have noticed that people around me, specifically older women from Gaston/Redbank hold a fair amount of distain for me. I’m not sure why. Well. Yeah, I am. But, I can’t help how they perceive me. I am polite and fairly even keeled these days. I met a lady last night who just after talking to me a little, and offering a lot of unsolicited advice to me, became rather ill tempered. I could tell she was holding it in and she had judgment in her eyes. She was the same age as I was, but she looked 65. Her husband was sitting between us and was the biggest douchebag in the world. I familiar sort of doucheyness that of late, I haven’t dealt with. She had been married for 32 years with kids in rehab and was proud of the fact she didn’t work (although later, she mentioned her shift had changed.) She was old fashioned, I thought, in that “The man is suppose to take care of you. I don’t work. I spend all his money.” When I didn’t particular grok the idea, the conversation shifted to a slightly oppositional/competitive tone with her. If I had said something about travel, she said something like “Oh, we are going to travel” even though she and her mate looked like they had about $20 dollars between them. She took some umbrage to the fact I didn’t have kids, accidentally cut myself with an exacto, and stayed with a man who wasn’t the best for 7 years. Her husband seemed very similar to whom she chastised me about, and apparently she just found out that he was out and about more than she knew. She seemed pretty territorial and she really had no need to be. There was NOTHING about her I envied or wanted, and it reinforced the idea that I had some advantages and blessings that I am taking for granted right now. It was an odd situation to be in. There was far more drama there that I cared to delve into. And she seemed to be itching for a confrontation that I wasn’t about to give her.

I think I’m going to be running into a lot of these sorts of ladies. I think I’m going to be running into a lot of these situations. For all this time, I’ve been down because my life isn’t running as well as I had hoped, but jumping christ on a cracker, there are going to be people out there for whom what I have is enviable and produces a little acrimony. I know it wasn’t all me. I know a great deal of it wasn’t me. I am polite, charming and funny. I am in a better place financially and socially than most. I am getting better by the day. And its incidences like this that I am slightly wounded temporarily by, wondering why she was like she was towards me. But in the end, I do not want to be her, or anything near what she was.

I have to admit though, I do think less of her for being with this “good man” of whom I KNOW disrespects people (mostly women) around him. He seems to have a bit of a drinking problem, and intimated that they have LOTS of problems. I do think less of her for not being more kind to strangers. She had more defensiveness than I had, and that’s saying something when I can tell that you need to take it down a notch.

That encounter has made me realize just how lucky I am, in that I have the options and opportunities to make myself and my life better. I have the ability and good fortune to mold the future into something really remarkable for myself. And I NEED to stop thinking that I am in a bad place and having the bad breaks. They are the bad breaks, but by no means are they crippling. I, unlike a lot of people, at this point, do not have to compromise my own sense of what is acceptable. Because, a lot of it, to me anyway, is UNACCEPTABLE. I have been in a place where I did just that, where the unacceptable was normal and all I thought was due to me. It’s not.

I deserve and will get the best I can possibly manage in this life before I shuffle off this mortal coil. Hopefully, I will be a source of joy and laughter for a lot of people. I will dig deep to remember the lesson I learned last night.

I do indeed possess a fortuitous and blessed life. And I need to remind myself, I deserve it.