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29 July 2016, 09:37

I’m heartbroken today. I have realized I can’t protect Lila adequately. I can’t fix my dumb dog Hurley enough so he won’t be possessive, and that is punctuated by Sophie, who has now taken into attacking Lili when Hurley attacks Lila. She is such a sweet dog and deserves a GREAT home. I can give her love and I could make it all work in a dysfunctional way, if I were home all the time. I did it with Hurley to some degree because I wasn’t working then, and I’m sure, in that certainty that comes with delusion, that I could do it with Lila if I had the time and if I were home.

And none of this is her fault. She is a puppy that got really bad breaks. She has learned to be frightened and scared, although she has come out of a lot of that since staying with us. She’s curious and gentle. She’s a lumbering DOH kind of dog who is just good natured and affectionate. She is a lot like Milo (RIP, my sweet boy).

I want her to have a great life. And I feel like I failed her. But I would fail her even more by keeping her in a situation where she is in danger of becoming hurt.

My dumb dog Hurley is the sweetest boy you’ll meet. I think. He’s wonderful to his owners and decent to the other dogs. He’s in love with the cats and usually is just a wandering tub of goo, sometimes plopping himself on the floor becoming a static tub of goo. He has possession issues. Over anything new brought into the house. Dog food, groceries, inanimate objects, boxes, packing material… it’s just weird. He’s just weird. And I love him to death. But his possessiveness has led to his tussles with the other dogs. Plus, he doesn’t really cotton to new people well. He needs to be socialized better. He has a boatload of issues that prevent him from being a companion to all but the most stalward and understanding of owners. And he’s got a good pig-headed owner right now who deals with all that.

I could almost train him to deal with Lila in a better way, but I’m not there all the time to reinforce that and protect Lila from when he does slip up. And in a twist of fate, which always seems to be pitted against me, Sophie now gangs up on the poor pup when Hurley DOES slip up.

So Pawmetto agreed to take her in. I had canceled the first appointment to give her up because that first night or two, it was some sort of miracle. Hurley and Sophie were trying to teach her to play, and everybody was loving everybody. Now, it’s tense. Now, it’s eggshells. Now, I’m hypervigilant. She gets to take a blankey, a toy and a chewy. I’m tearing up as I write this.

Lila is kind, and timid but curious and loving. So she deserves something better than our little circle of maladjusted mutts.

So, I’m back at square one.