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3 February 2010, 00:00

Once you decide to go ahead and flip out, its a most liberating experience. I don’t have to worry if I’m angering or annoying people with my behavior, I don’t have to worry if I’ve done something they can ‘handle’, for the ones who understand will let you flip out to a large degree and still be there for you. It’s likened to that good friend who holds your hair back when you puke after too many appletinis.

Thusly, yours truly decided she had hit bottom and had a very big “fuck it” attitude knocked into her. Even when I woke up with no freaking heat, this morning – ostensibly freezing my goddamn ass off. It pretty much sent me into a demented Woody Woodpecker laughing fit off and on for the rest of the day. I decided there’s avalanche of shit i have on my plate, and maybe i should care about the shit I CAN shovel, and fuck the rest. Computer – yes, that a certainty and coming next week. The heat – um… We’ll muddle through with a space heater and two smelly but very warm dogs. Foreclosure? Taxes? Money? Car? Can’t really do much about all that right now, but they got a place in the queue. Old Mill? Gone and missed. My lacking cooth, politeness, or a held tongue? Oh FUCK THAT FIFTEEN WAYS TILL FRIDAY. I’m a great girl most of the time, a hellion some of the time, and can only offer mea culpas/attrition when I go too far. But, being older than Methusula, there’s very little chance I’ll change.

I can definitely say the last three weeks was the shittiest time I’ve had since Ken died, but it also was a cleansing of a sort – a swift spiritual kick to the head. Burn the fucker down and time to build something better.