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1 December 2005, 00:00

Again with the silly season.

Seems like it comes every year. Everybody is starting to wonder what they want to buy, what they want to get, what they want to eat. Or, in a stranger turn of events that seems not at all christian-like, the religious right has sicced lawyers on businesses that sell trees under the all inclusive, non-offensive “Holiday” tree moniker, wanting instead for them to rename them “Christmas” trees. Jimminy. Sue a Sinner for Jesus Season… It’s like those people that suddenly find religion during December, or suddenly become a decent human being during the holidays, but morph back into buttheads January 3.

As you know, I’m not holiday gal. I’m not christian gal. I’m not silly season gal. I do like the way everybody tries to be nicer, and, admittedly I LIKE GETTING FREE STUFF – I’m not made of stone, free stuff wrapped up in paper does give me a warm fuzzy. But, with that being said, I don’t need anything.

I’ll do the ritual game, “Man if I had a million dollars this is what I’d do…” but invariably after the little house and car, most of what I do is just give the money away. I just don’t need anything. Sure, I could use XX amount of dollars to do this or that. And it would catch me up in bills, but I am just going to be behind again. I don’t need millions to never work again, because, if I had that kind of leisure time, I’d just do stupid things like pluck all the hair outta my head or dress the dogs up in leather and cheap wigs, so we don’t want that. Really. I DID need a decent job and now I have one. I don’t NEED anything. I don’t need dog surgery money, or Whazhisface-fixin money. I don’t need a new car, cause the big nasty 100 dollar car still runs. I don’t need anything. I have food, I have my health, I have everything I need. So, in the last couple of years, I don’t ask for anything. And suprisingly, its really the way I feel.

I use this time to reflect on what I have. I have a Whazhisface, I have the dogs, I have a few friends, and I’m not hurting for food or shelter or clothing. I have a really good job now and I’m relatively healthy, knock on plywood. I even get out my petty coat, and indulge. I’m glad I have a better job than those folks at Corporate Express that I use to work with; I’m glad I don’t work at the suckyNye anymore, even though THEY fired ME, because it doesn’t sound like it is at all pleasant over there. But that’s about it for the pettiness. Not got a big bag of petty. I’m even happy that I don’t have a bunch of beefs… about ANYTHING. I’ve changed a bit, about shit would use to just fester for months and years. Now, after the initial “YOU SONS OF BITCHES” reaction, it’s all relatively gone. The only thing I feel that I need is to be a good person, and I even allow myself to be a butthead as long as it doesn’t go far or deep. I wonder if this is what is feels like to be a decent human being. If it is, then I wish this on everybody. To be content, and unsad. Way too much to ask to be happy, but not to be unhappy is an attainable goal, and really all I require.

I think the only thing I really want, the only thing you guys could get me that I would appreciate is if you donated money to your local humane society in the name of “Kodak.” It’s times like these that I think about him and get really sad, but I’m really thankful that he was ever in my life. He’s the one that jump-started me on being a decent human being, so I think others should be grateful too, otherwise, I’d just be another vindictive bitch running lose in the world, and that’s not good for anybody. So give generously to your charities. I suggest the humane society because I respect the work they do. I’ve given an goodly amount to my own local humane society and if you want you can send them a check for me in the name of “Kodak”, too. In fact, that would be the coolest gift, if they got a 100 donations in the name of “Kodak”. That would just make them nuts and curious. Do it. That would be awesome.

Another thing I did was give a buttload of canned food to the Kansas Food Bank. And it was pretty good stuff, too – because nothing worse than being poor, and then just getting somebody elses CRAP and discards . The needy aren’t dumping grounds for crappy stuff, because you just gave something horrid and now your guilt is alleviated. Be decent. You don’t want a ten year old can of beef broth, why do you think needy people should want it? Although, in the interest of full disclosure, if you come to my house for Halloween, don’t eat the candy I give out for the trick or treaters, its usually candy I couldn’t give away last year.

The only other thing I can hope for the holiday is that EVERYBODY has the holiday they want. One free from guilt or obligation because everybody needs a fucking break. And if your the family member that breaks the balls during this season, why don’t you do your kin a favor and crack it down a notch and unclench so that EVERYONE can have a nice holiday. It’s part of that good will towards men type deal. I want for this season to be the one time that everybody can find a little peace.

We all could use it, couldn’t we?

P.S. The one thing I COULD use is some help on getting the email list function of pMachine to work. But then I’m good to go for the year.