| Now |

MAY

1 May 2018, 22:49

Today (yesterday) Was EXTRAORDINARY. The days are becoming extraordinarily good. Every. Day.

There is just too much to go into, but things fell into place, and came together. My world is slowly taking a new shape, and its something I’m loving waking up to. I have a little bit to go, but, everything seems so easy now. I find I have so much confidence and bravado – I can tackle anything, and the good stuff is happening because I deserve it.

1) I have become 10x more adventurous and brave in the last 5 months than I have been in the last 7 years.

2) I have a buttload more confidence and the world is more shiny to me because of it.

3) The “NOs” that I always assumed I get, turned out to be “YESes” and now I am amazed at the stuff I get to do. I just had to try.

4) I’m FEELING the happy. That’s pretty awesome.

5) I’m never going back to living in an unhappy world… ever. again.

This week is going to be a GREAT one, tater.

****

Okay. I’m back

May. I know, its only been two days, but I’m looking forward to getting through this month, and then starting this new life. I’m getting a preview of it right now, and I can’t wait. There will be no more worry, no more undue stress, and I’ll be able to predict and plan a bit. I think, I’ve decided on a new car, but I have a little bit to think about it, and I may change my mind again.

I’m excited to shop for cars. I’m excited that after that, I can look towards owning a home. Buying the house I am in right now has a certain amount of attractiveness – I know what’s wrong with it, I’m familiar with the neighborhood and area, I’m established here, it has a new well, it’s fenced in all ready, and poor Andy is buried in the backyard. The dogs know it as home, and I know it as home. It would be something I could afford, although a career move to Greenville would be out of the question. I guess I could rent out the back of the property, but I don’t like the thought of being a landlord. But the more important thing is that I have options. I think when we removed certain variables in my life, it was more comfortable for some people to be open to me, to give to me, to present me with opportunities. I stand as a responsible person, with all my faults/shortcomings but also with all my strengths fully on display. And so far, people have judged me positively – indeed the scales have tipped FULLY towards my strengths – everyone is confident and comfortable in trusting me, helping me, being open to me. It’s a good feeling when I don’t have to hide something in my life, or be wary of exposing the less appealing side of my life. There is no “less appealing” side anymore. I am proud of who am I and what I am. And. People have responded to it.

I have made a gaggle of new friends – wait for it – they are musicians. They are like no musicians I have encountered up to this point. Or at least the ones that kept company in my sphere. These guys are GOOD guys. They aren’t dubious, they are kind, they are funny and awesome. They are good family men, good musicians and have depth and substance to the rest of their lives. They think I’m awesome. I met two bands’ worth of dudes, and a smattering of bikers who also were pretty nice and respectful. I was surprised, because of my own prejudices, thought there might be a sketchy element to these folks and was happily wrong. Now, with the bikers, I didn’t get to know them well, and am just judging from the little interaction I had Saturday. So, they may be drug runners, rapists, murders, etc., but I didn’t see them deal, rape, kill, so I can’t be sure. They were very polite to me, and with the exception of one dude who gave me that 1,000 yard stare the whole time at the gig, I was comfortable.

The comedy show is coming up and I’ve got the tickets, the credentials and the transportation all set. I have a friend coming with me and we are going to spend the day in Charleston. I can’t really do too much other than wander around and take pictures because of my temporary poverty – can’t really do too much on 50 bucks – but its going to be a gloriously warm day, and there’ll be comedy, the ocean, and a change of scenery for me. The way all this has turned out has added confidence that I can do more of this. I’m going to start finding events to shoot, start finding fun to have and start enjoying the things around me. One of the best activities now is porch drinking with Hurley. I may even set up a little patio set on the driveway so I have a lounge chair, table and portable speaker.

Asheville is in June, so I’m looking forward to visiting again. I’ll have a new car, more money, and things will have finally leveled out for me. I love Asheville and this time, I’m going to spend two days there and enjoy it at a leisurely pace.

Right now. All is right with the world.