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16 February 2010, 00:00

Posted on Feb 16, 10 | 1:47 pm

HOLY MOTHER FUCKING COCK SUCKING SONOVABITCH BASTARD, I’M BACK. I’m typing on my new-to-me laptop, with an actual mother-grabbing keyboard. I can TYPE. I can TYPE FAST and spell just a little bit better. HOLY FUCKAROONI, I am happier than I’ve been in six weeks.

My old laptop is a 2008 model, faster, utilizes more ram, and had a bigger hard drive. This one is a 1.83 that only can max at 2 gig Ram, of which I can’t get it to recognize my old chips. But the screen has no dead pixels and its clean like it was taken care of by a normal person. The ram issue might be something that will vex me, but right now, I’m not caring. I’ll fix that later or sell this or steal a better one.

So now I have an extra battery and an extra power cord which is sweet. I was able to swap hard drives and I think there was NO data loss. I am just giddy at this point. My familiar world is back. I am overly onlining right now, twittering, posting, ichatting.

I also did my first fuck up. I restored the software on the iphone because it was really lagging a bit, and accidentally erased all my pictures I had on there. I am a retard, babies. But that only proves I’m real close to being back to normal.

My old laptop is in BAD shape, well, was in BAD shape. The port board was loose and wonky, so if you plugged something in wrong, it would shut down the computer and had bread crumbs and dirt in the plug holes. My keys on the keyboards were popping off left and right and I had stains and sticky-don’t-know-what all over it. If you upturned the thing, even after cleaning, you could shake it and food bits would fall out. There were hand oil stains beside the track pad from my palms. The hinge holding on the screen was cracked as well as some major chipping along the edges. And the poor screen was about 10% black/dead pixels that traveled every once in a while. I hadn’t been able to see my menu bar for about a year. When I pulled the ram out, it had some think brown sticky gunk on it, and if you run your finger along the inside of the battery slot, you might as well have ran it along a dirty table at Denny’s.

This little old laptop got me through this last two years. It and the first (out of three) iPhone came to me after Ken died. I think I could have gotten one of those really good ones, but I just got a cheap one and it became, literally, my constant companion. It had more functionality than my G5 at work, so it frequently came to Viega with me so I could handle files that they couldn’t. It was my touchstone for friends and companionship for that dark time and all those black nights. Well. It and two cases of cabernet sauvignon. It was my shopping mall, it was my tax center. It was my entertainment center since I wasn’t watching TV after Ken died. I don’t know why I stopped but I did. It saw airports, and many motel rooms, from Kansas to Tennessee to North Carolina. When I was trying to chase the dog across a Best Western parking lot, it flew off the top of the Monster Monte right under the front driver side wheel. I ran the fucker over. I killed the screen when my headphones came out of my ears and fell into the laptop, and I subsequently squeezed the laptop close on them in an attempt to keep it from falling on to the carpeted floor. It’s made movies, let me write, took pictures – it documented my life, kept me company and entertained me. It kept me connected and sane.

I have this really pristine, and nice one that will keep me going. And its got a superdrive. A step up from the last one. I guess its part of that rebuilding process I’m doing. Clean slate and all. I can’t say enough nice things about the LA Computer Company from whom I bought the new baby. If I was faster, I could have gotten a 2 ghz, 3 gig ram for the same price, but it got snatched up. I could have gotten a brand new one, but I needed one with firewire because I have a two terabyte IDE server that is firewire.

I’m in the process of trying to swap out the 80 gig HD I have for the 25 gig one I have in the portable flydrive and I’m catching up on my geekness. And my Daily Shows. And my Frontlines. And my 24 Kiefer masturbation hours.

Oh did I tell you, even though its nippy, there is a shit load of sunshine outside? And I have almost 50 bucks in the bank to boot?

Gonna be a good day, tater.