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1 November 2015, 11:46

Taking a break from whatever I’m doing. Admittedly, it’s not much.

I’m staring at my little flip phone. I’m amazed at technology. Within my lifetime, I’ve gone from portable phones not even being in the realm of reality to being ticked that I’m relegated, temporarily at least, to a flip phone – which is something about the size of a credit card or an oblong cookie that makes PHONE CALLS and connects to the web, albeit mobile web, but the web nonetheless.

In fact, I have to sit and just be amazed for a while. I am a healthy human inside a heated dwelling watching flickering pictures of Tom Baker on a giant inside window hooked up to a cable that brings me content from AROUND THE WORLD and, wait for it, FROM 30 ODD YEARS THE PAST. I’m typing on a device that accesses the sum total of human knowledge on my command. I can MAKE content on it that years ago, took computers more expensive that houses and bigger than bathrooms.

Sometimes we take so much with such cavalier distain. I’m such an example of this, it isn’t funny. Sometimes I’m just flummoxed at the shit that comes out of my mouth and of about what I choose to bitch and moan. I’m a well fed almost-white girl who doesn’t have to toil in the ditches for my next meal, complaining that the device I have that connects me to anyone in the world from anywhere in the world isn’t an iPhone. Yup. America is the very definition of “asshole.” Yup. I’m an asshole, at times.

Even my lot in life is miles beyond suckatude if I just sat down and thought about it. I get bummed about not getting a little 10/hr job, when I’m just waiting on starting my 27.50/hr job. In a week or two, Doug will starting getting the care he needs, plus benefits to boot. I’m so well off, I can provide health care to three big dogs. We have a choice of beef or chicken for dinner a lot of the time – which, even being able to KNOW you’ll have dinner is a blessing in itself. It is GREAT that I HAVE a septic system to complain about, I could be pooping in a small box in some alleyway outside the big box in which I live. I don’t have the lupus, or cancer or flesh eating bacteria I always think I do, although I haven’t been to the doctor in about 8 years, so I MIGHT have some THING I’ll need to have treated or cut out. Even that probability of large tumors in my head shows me I’m lucky. I am able to have them sucked out if I needed to.

I have it rougher than a few, but better than a vast number of folks out there.

I’m calling the ball, and saying that everything is pretty decent. I have food to eat, people and big dogs that I love close around me. The heat, electricity, cable and internet work. And I got to see Tom Baker Doctor Who this morning. Except for one strange stalker lady in Washington, I’m liked by a good number of people, and if you can claim one or two true friends in life, you are indeed possessing something special there. The I think the strange stalker lady in Washington is touched a bit – it seems she’s a bit mentally unstable. I don’t know why she ocassionally pops up and blathers about some injustice I’ve done to her, since I’ve never met her. She’s some whacknoodle I met a millions years ago when we were members of the same online BBS. I don’t owe her money (I think one time I even refused to take her money or help for something or other) and I have no connection to her life, but she’s like a weird errant rodent in a giant whack-a-mole game. She pops up, rambles and spits bile for a minute or two and then goes back to hibernate. I think she’s one of those people who watches TV and thinks that Tom Brokaw is reading the news JUST to her, and they have a “connection” and you don’t want to piss off those people – JUST IN CASE, you know? When the intarwebz were new, I was always afraid of pissing off the wrong people, because they might take it upon themselves to come over and beat the living crap out of me. But I’ve learned, they don’t. But it comforts me that she’s a continent away from me. Although, if she ever decides to bring her batshit cray-cray self out here, I think I could take her if decides to throw down.

The Dudette abides:

  • I have one friend looking abouts for a nice little used iPhone 5s for me.
  • All the clothes and dishes are clean.
  • Nutty black dog is sitting next to me with her toy and rubbing her face on Doug’s pillow and eating her butthole.
  • I get the channel Destination America and its feeding me a steady afternoon of strange programming. Currently watching a woman talking about the child ghost that keeps smudging up her french doors.
  • Been watching a lot on Scientology, and I have to say, and this comes from deep down in my soul and with all my heart, I am SO glad that I am not in some creepy ass, fucked up cult.
  • I didn’t have to sell my crappy car. I like my crappy car.
  • I could put on socks if I wanted to.
  • Tomorrow is the start of a new week, and new month, so hope again springs newly eternal.
  • I hold Facebook in a constant state of a healthy contempt but I have to admit that it is more than nice seeing all my friends whenever I want. I miss everybody so much and they all live so far away. I’ve met and known so many people that have come and gone. The ones I know now make me warm, fuzzy and very happy when I think of them.
  • I’m really starting to get into make these websites. It would be easier for me to dive into it if I had clients or a customer to do them for. Just doing them to do them seems less motivating than doing them for someone else. Less profitable, too. (shit I’ve beening doing: Redid this, and this, fixed the portfolio, did one for Dougie, panhandled for spare change, and made this thing.)
  • I’m having a coke. I shouldn’t. But, it’s one of the bad habits I cling to.
  • I’m awaiting some more points to build up on my game so I can get to level 50 on 8-ball Pool.
  • If had any money, I’d go buy a ton of discounted after Halloween candy although not a fan of Halloween. Not a fan of Christmas either. I do like Thanksgiving. It’s all the gooey-gooey of Christmas with half the stress and pressure of having to experience some deep meaning. It’s just food, football and a bag full of “yup. could be worse.”
  • It is just bizarre that a couple of weeks ago, things were at the bleakest point than they have been in a while. Maybe I overly fretted and panicked about it all. It turned out to be not as bad as I had feared. It’s not going to change my behavior in the future about this shit though, I have many more Walmart-Parking-Lot-Blubbering-Episodes to come. It’s just in my DNA.

The year is slowly coming to a close and always makes me reflective and pissed off that the summer is over. Winter makes things feel like they are old and ending. Summer is just a forever young feeling. And I get all sentimental about all sorts of things. So, there’s going to be a lot of schmaltz coming up. I think when shit isn’t currently bad, I get more schmaltzy and less funny. Like one of my friends have said, my “crisis is 10x funnier than most people’s happy.”

The best thing I can end with? I’m going to have a Chris— no, HOLIDAY TREE for the SECOND year in a row. I think it may even be the third year. That is just so groovy to me, I’m all filled with coolio.