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SDP 4

24 July 2016, 19:05

Stray Dog Project: Part Four

So I bought Hurley the asshole a muzzle today (there’s a better one coming Friday). It was ill fitting and he was miserable. He still wanted to get poor Lila.

That was terribly frustrating, but if I get a good working muzzle, at least Lila will be able to roam the house a bit freer than she does not.

What was just heartbreaking is how over the moon happy she was when she was allowed to come into the bedroom with Doug and the dogs. She was whimpering and barking at Hurley, the type of bark that was just asking him to accept her. I was so crestfallen when I saw that Hurley was still horrible to her. I don’t understand it. I’m wondering if it is jealousy. This dog is such a joy to watch as she blooms. She was so scared and timid when I got her. Her fear overwhelmed her, her physical wounds caused her pain, and she was not a dog as so much as a slave to misery.

These last two days, I’ve seen this dog sleep in a safe place and start to venture out into the yard. I’ve seen her start to try and play with my dogs (the ones that aren’t out to kill her). She’s regaining a sense of herself and becoming brave. I’ve seen her become happy and feel safe.

It’s almost killing me that I can’t make all this work, so that we can have her here until I find a good home for her. Doug is just bitching and moaning about the disruption, and always expect that things shouldn’t be hard, or inconvenient.

I’m wanting so bad to find her a home because she deserves it. It’s not that she deserves it more than any other dog, or person or whatever. She deserves it, because with a little work on my part, I can give it to her. I can give her happiness and hopefully a forever home filled with love and dog treats.

Right now, I’m just at a loss how I’m going to do it. I’m being pressured by Doug to make things normal again, so he’s not inconvenienced. He’s saying that I just need to drop her off at the humane society.

I’m just so afraid to do that. I know the humane society does good work. But she is just beginning to trust people, and not be so afraid of everything, and I don’t know what taking her to a loud, giant kennel with screaming dogs and possibly days filled with loneliness will do to her. There is just something inside me that is involuntary that makes me physically ill and psychological irrational when it comes to her. I want to save her. I NEED to save her. I have to save her.

I’m willing to pay for her food, and her medical for her foster family. I’m willing to drive her hundred miles away to wherever her potential forever home is. I don’t know what is pushing me inside to care this much. Doug says we’ve saved a stray, we did our part. To me, there is no quota I meet that let’s me say “I’m done, I don’t need to try.”

So right now, I’ve had a setback, and I’m feeling really bad and sort of sick.

But, I saw her poop today.