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SHORT'UN

23 March 2015, 14:03

This is a short one. I took a week off of tready because, well I don’t know. It was cold and wet and the motivation wasn’t there and I’m a big lazy slob and fuck it all, I had doughnuts.

Progress though. YAYster. I had almost normal sleepies. Almost slept through the entire night. And I’m toying with the idea of getting up and staying up when Doug gets up. Usually, I just roll over and go back to sleep, but as it gets warmer, my mind/body wants to stay up. So, that is my next sleepies goal.

I treadied today, non-stop for as long as I could. It was an experiment to see how I’ve progressed from lazy potato to now. Poor dogs just sit there waiting for me to quit so they can come in and lay on my feet and give me lovin’. I did 5 miles without any dying. Even now, I think I could do more – but I have to do other stupid stuff. It’s getting to the point where the tready is not giving me enough challenge or pain, so I’m going to increase the incline a little so that I can really hurt. I may have some self abuse issues. I was going to say masochistic or flagellation issues but in looking those terms up to make sure my meaning was precise, both have sexual meanings. So, it’s funny that so many people use those terms without realizing that. Anyway, back to the less interesting shit about how long I did on the tready and what not. It will be warmer, so motivation will be easier. I just wish I didn’t reek after it.

I feel SO strong though. I’m probably the strongest fattie around. My body and core feel solid and most of the time now-a-days, I feel like a coiled spring. I’m just a cocked arrow with no flight path. I feel like I want to run, I just have no where to go. It’s a good feeling, but a frustrating one. I’m a very goal oriented arrow.

My car is fixed. It had alternator problems but my Dougie-poo fixed it. I’m mobile again, not that I have anywhere to go. It’s back to the old job hunting grind. I feel so NOT RIGHT without a job. I’m not sure why that is. I see so many of these housewives and stay at home moms without jobs and I just wonder why I can’t do that for a while and not feel a tremendous sense of guilt and unease. I’m uneasy. I feel like I’m not doing anything. At times, it’s really nice, but most of the time, I am just making busy work for myself to feel useful and productive. I gots me some issues.

I have a ton of things I wanted to write about, that I was dictating as I was trudging along. I was going off onto all sorts of tangents and rant-like bullshit. But, I decided to give that a little rest, too, although it’s very heartening to be full of so much that you feel like you could burst with everything that’s inside you.

It’s very disheartening to see that you’ve written basically the same shit for the last 10 or so rumblies. Damn.

WHEEEE. Well. Not a totally enthusiastic WHEEE. But, every Monday is a new start.