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SIGH

10 June 2010, 15:06

It’s muggy and buggy here in Hee Haw. It rained a little so I’m sure more bugs will be breeding and I am just pleased about that. I’ve got the last two seasons of the Highlander streaming on Hulu, and doing some employment research. I’m slightly uncomfortable and stressed, but that’s nothing new. After looking at the NC employment and securities site, I’m thinking that the unemployment insurance extensions that are going on now for the out of work are being phased out and income will come to an end for a lot of us. I am ever hopeful that before my money runs out, I will be employed at SOMETHING.

I feel a bit sticky, and the dogs are stuck close to me like glue. So, it’s muggy and hairy around Duhville. Got to talk to friends this weekend and have a little fun, although I feel just guilty as all hell that I did. I can’t be having fun while my life is like this. I do remember beer, pool, a band, and a couple of very nice young men talking to me. Nothing came of it other than some nice conversation. There is really nothing much to do here, and I don’t feel like venturing out an hour away somewhere to be with strangers. Nowadays, the only time I even get out is to interviews, of which I have one next week.

Ah, I have maybe four more weeks to make something happen. There are nine days until Detestable Tuesday, and three months left before I’m legal. I am almost to the end of this chapter, this little stretch, this little saga.

I do love being me, despite the drawbacks. I think all this has made me the person I really want to be and has made me understand myself more. It has for sure, made me stronger and more humble. I love my dogs and they have made me appreciate love and treasure it. I love my friends, without them, my life would be even more empty and my path more difficult. I couldn’t help myself but to let these people into my life. I see them coupling and I am happy for them, but feel a little melancholy for myself. I know in my head that this is only temporary, that all the pieces of my life will be restored – its just a little hard to deal with in the meantime. I do appreciate the love I have been given the opportunity to touch in my journey. K and D were the best things to ever to happen to me

I write all this to remind myself. Something to reread when things look bleak.