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18 May 2018, 08:36

So. I found out.

It’s not me. It’s him. I knew this but I didn’t FEEL this. But. It is SO great to FEEL this finally.

He cheated on all his girlfriends. He lied to his girlfriends. All of them. He has had this giant drinking problem for a very long time. He even once got STABBED by an angry husband for sleeping with a girl at a bar while he was with his “soulmate.” He cheated on her. Many hers. He’s lied to everyone. And this drunk sexting is just a thing for him for the past 30 years. There is so much wrong with this man, I can’t even fathom it now. And nothing’s going to change. It didn’t in the past, it didn’t in the present, and it won’t in the future. His HUGE alcohol problem is bigger than I ever thought. The cheating and lying is a regular thing for him for 30 years – it didn’t matter what girl he was with. The lying and inability to keep a job? I guess that comes with it too. And his ability to hide all this? Well. I guess it depends on the need for the woman to believe it. He does an excellent job of charming you into believing his version of reality, and it draws in the caretaker in you because he seems like a tragic hero that has all this hardship befall him because nothing is ever his fault. It’s always “HER” or “THEM”. If you really listen, you will hear the pattern, if you really look, you can see the scheme. I have to admit, I got snowed BIG TIME. And I didn’t want to believe that someone could lie to me. I believed I was different.

His friends, family and acqaintences saw all this. They warned me. I heeded NOTHING. He even said at several points in life “I’m not a good man.” When HE tells you that, and I don’t listen, well, that’s on me….

There was so much wrong, so much he hid, and so much he IS hiding. It floors me. And well. The new woman? HOLY SHIT, good luck with that, sweetie, because you just don’t know what you’ve gotten. I would give you one piece of advice that ended up helping me. Keep your finances separate. Seriously. You have money. He likes money. He’s going to drink and not stop. He’s going to wait till you go to bed, and sext women. He’s going to lie, and sneak money from you like he did his mother. He’s going to defraud you like he’s done to the insurance company and the government. He’s going to lie to you about where he’s been and what he’s been doing. He’s going to accuse you of many things and make you feel bad about yourself. It will come. It has before. It will again. I know you think you are different? I thought that, too. I wasn’t. Before you dismiss me, think about it. Does he just say I’m hurt and trying to get back at him for this? Does he play on your sympathy, and how “hurt” he is? How vicitmized he is? How he is just trying to do the right thing? How he just wants a good life with a woman he loves and ad nauseum? Think about it. Think about WHAT he is saying and WHAT he has done. Does it all make sense? Does it all track? I was lucky. I always had a bit of me that hung back and knew something was wrong here. That’s the part that is saving me now.

I feel so grateful to Jennifer. I owe her a debt. She gave me reality, and the truth. And strength.

I think I even owe the whore. If she hadn’t taken him, I would still be a prisoner of this man. I would be still toiling away, trying to make a life out of chickenshit.

Seeing things in a brand new light this morning. I have a non-date tonight. I have a new beginning next week. This really was a great day. It’s a turning point. There seems to be NO hurt anymore. And he is a distorted, twisted, aging narcissistic parasite now. I don’t just SEE that. I FEEL that now.

Especially, THANK YOU, Jennifer.

Today. I feel ABSOLUTELY AWESOME. I’m actually out of fight mode, because now, I don’t need a piece of paper to FEEL free. It will come. My freedom has truly come. The next guy who gets me will be getting some AWESOME package of a girl. The next guy will be an EXTRAORDINARY individual, because I did garbage, and I didn’t much care for that.

So, I’m going to try for MAGNIFICENT. And well. It seems that I won’t have too try that hard…