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25 March 2010, 01:00

This is an honest to god, real update since the stuff I’ve been writing lately is stream of consciousness dribble and self absorption kind of crap. And it ain’t been funny. That pisses me off the most about me lately, is where I am is a place where I’m not funny.

Anyway, if I can’t amuse, at least I can inform.

So I’m in Hee Haw. Yes, back to calling this hell hole Hee Haw. I’ve had at least TWO people say Forest Shitty is what you make of it. That’s a bunch of bullshit. Sometimes you CAN’T make chicken shit taste like chicken salad, no matter how hard you try – you just got to drink enough beer that you can bear it. Hell, I love Wichitatitty, but I don’t argue the point that some people just hate it. But the saving grace right now is that it is warm and sunny. Not at this very minute, but it has been. And, that has been wonderful, since I don’t have cable or do hard drugs, because it gives me an opportunity to run and get sunburnt. I am ten pounds lighter than this period last year and more fit, so I’m ahead of the game. I have more stamina than this period last year (but not as much as I had at the end of last summer) so I’m building back up to the 12 minute mile. Heh, I have a 20 minute mile now. I’m nutty brown and my red hair has been bleached out on top by the sun to a golden blonde. I have to fix that sometime soon. I look like a surfer chick in the midst of the Hee Haw-ians. Or is it Hee Haw-ites? Rednecks, we’ll call them.

Money. Well. Money is non existent right now, but hopefully that will change. That’s why I’m about ten pounds lighter than last year. Less… eating. Dogs are fed, but Duh ain’t. Don’t worry. I eat enough to get by and we’ll fix that soon. The thing about having less is that you learn what is really needed in life and what is just wanted. It’s surprising what you can do without. Maybe that’s a lesson I’m suppose to be learning – what is REALLY essential to my life and what I can delete. What I can live without if I had to. Although, I think food may be something I may rethink and put that back in the “yeah, I need this shit” column. When the computer died, I HAD to get another. When I run out of beer, I HAVE to get another. And I barely keep a roof over our heads. Everything else is negotiable.

I’m down to two dogs now, the two old ones. Buddy was a youngster that really wasn’t happy being cooped up with us. He loved us but I loved him too much not to give him a better home. A farm where he could run, play, and torture other animals. I miss the Budster a lot, but I’m sure he’s happier. I hope he’s happier. The other two are old but plodding along. The both stink to high heaven and probably have things amiss with them. Jake’s probably got cataracts along with his mental illness and Milo is really showing his arthritic age. But they love their mommy and their mommy loves them.

My next hurdle is taxes. I owe Kansas an arm, a leg, and several vital organs. I probably owe North Carolina – if I would do my taxes. It’s fear and loathing that keeps me from doing them. I will get around to it. Really. We don’t want to mess with Obama. He’s probably got goons. The tax goons to come and muscle the money from me. Too bad he can’t take it out in trade for beer. No. Wait. Don’t take the beer.

Speaking of beer, since you all probably are wondering, I’m drinking less. Yes. Let’s all rejoice. It’s not because I’ve discovered I have a problem or my liver has dried up and fell off. It’s just sunny and I spend a lot more time running and exercising. Plus, I’m less… heartbroken and lonely and beer went with socialization. I don’t go to church for the obvious reasons that there is no Atheistic Church of God, and I’m a bit isolated here, so it’s the Hole roll for me. Ain’t that weird in a bizarro world switch – drinking less and becoming more fit. I AM Bizarro Superman or maybe bearded evil Spock. AND, WAIT FOR IT…. I’m doing less stupid shit now. WOW. That’s mainly because I stopped drinking double appletinis.

I’m running with the pool playing crowd, and as I said a while back, I have acquaintances now, not friends. But, I’m being accepted more in my little niche. Being a semi-cute female in an all male clubhouse is appealing to me, but I think me being aloof has a lot to do with it taking so long for folks to warm up to me. And I’m very much a tom-boy which, I think, makes a lot of them think I’m a lesbian. Well. If they would if they didn’t see me eyeing young men like they were the last brownie at a weight watchers meeting. I guess, folks, yes, I may be… a cougar. Rowr. I still have some dear friends I made here, although the number of them has dwindle down to the hardcore few – they are the ones that are REAL friends. Then there are the ones that are now virtual – they’ve always been there for me and they always will, I suspect. I think the people that haven’t buggered out by now are not likely to. I am a lucky girly girl.

The house. OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, the house back home. It’s in foreclosure but I’ve sold my soul and signed over my property rights to a predatory property company that may or may not make this big fat white elephant go away. They try to short sell it or buy it at a discount or something. I don’t care anymore. I really don’t. As long as I don’t go to jail, I’m happy. And they say it will dent my credit rating, but when a credit score is about equal to your shoe size, there’s not much anybody can do to it anymore. I wonder where all my stuff that I had in it went to, like luggage and a paper shredder (some stools I liked), but its been about a year and a half, so I might as well kiss all that shit goodbye. I could have used the microwave, but there was only so much I could stuff in the car. Good thing I didn’t have a Pinto, or I would have had to strap a dog on the roof.

Car. I own a car that soon, with the help of the universe, will be tagged and insured. Hell. It just has to be tagged. Any tag. I’m resisting the urge to rambo a tag off the neighbors car and stick it on mine. Oh, and I need a battery for the stupid thing, too. It’s been sitting dormant for months now, so my battery went deader than my career.

And finally, the crazy S and the big D. Both have no hold on my life and I have filed under “What WAS I fucking THINKING”. But both situations, I’ve decided, are ones that I extract the good and learn the lessons from them.

I think I’ve covered all the salient and boring highpoints of life in Duhville. It’s warm but overcast in Hee Haw, I played in tourney last night and got beaten by two whom I should have beaten. I’m hungover as all get out, but had a buttload of fun and saw tons of Mill people I know. I might even get out and about today, depending on whether the little men in my head stop the riverdance on my cerebral cortex.

So. Mission accomplished. I’m STILL here and kicking.