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27 May 2018, 11:17

Yeah. Looking forward now. Trying to fix the broken. From this site: Affair Recovery

“Life after divorce and betrayal creates unique challenges for the injured spouse. While divorce may be the best next step for some, those who divorce have a difficult journey ahead of them. They will have to overcome issues with…
1. Mistrust:
Infidelity shatters the reality of the injured spouse so thoroughly that they often have trouble trusting their reality, their judgment, others and even themselves. Moving on after divorce, how can you know you aren’t making the same mistake again? How do you release your heart to the care of another? Even finding Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful doesn’t necessarily solve the dilemma. It takes a great deal of individual work before enough healing occurs for self-confidence to return and hope for the future is recovered. Until that healing comes, releasing one’s soul to the care of another is a challenge at best.

2. Triggers:
Betrayal is frequently a traumatic experience for the injured spouse. Divorce in no way remedies the problems of emotional flooding. Reminders of what happened can create strong emotional reactions for years to come. While an unfaithful spouse may understand the root cause of that reaction, others who weren’t involved at the point of crisis may find their reactivity confusing. Failure to take the time to process the trauma of the betrayal on top of divorce recovery can leave them susceptible to emotional flooding for years to come.

3. Jealousy:
Life after divorce and betrayal can leave the injured spouse with an unfounded fear regarding the faithfulness of future partners. It’s understandable, but the need for safety can be higher for these individuals. Choosing not to mistrust is frequently a daily struggle and key to divorce recovery. It’s no wonder that hypervigilance becomes a natural part of their being. The old saying “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” rings truer than ever before. The last thing they want is to be hurt again and in their mind “better safe than sorry” can become a limiting factor for future relationships.

4. Risk aversion:
For those who divorce, infidelity often creates a problem with intimacy avoidance. One approach to avoid future pain is to always hold a part of self back in future relationships. Being “all in” can present a serious challenge if you choose to avoid the risk of future pain. While there’s a part of us that longs to be connected to a special person, taking that risk may seem next to impossible if betrayed in a previous relationship. You may find, while moving on after divorce and into future relationships, that you feel as if you have hit a wall when the relationship progresses to a deeper level of intimacy.

5. Negative lens:
Betrayal may create an aversion for anyone of the opposite sex. To create safety, a person may choose to believe that all men cheat, or that all women lie, etc. Divorce does nothing to correct the stereotyping of an entire people group. As a matter of fact, life after divorce potentially creates more bitterness and mistrust of the opposite sex. The inability to find a place of forgiveness and reconciliation can create a jaded perspective of life, which prevents them from ever reconnecting again.