| Now |


23 April 2018, 10:38

I’m going to call it.

Yet, every time I have done this, the universe has said “not so fast..”

But I’m going to say it. I think things are now on the uptick and going to get better now. Even though its horrible, raining outside, and I’m not as happy-joyed-out as I could be, I think I’ve figured out the next two months.

I know I shouldn’t even think like that, because you KNOW its all going to crash and burn just to kill my new found hubris, but shit, you know, sometimes you just got to take that leap of faith and BELIEVE that things are going to get a lot better.

I have faced a lot of giant hurdles and little setbacks, and I have gotten through them ALL. I’ve made a few little mistakes, but, I’ve gotten through EVERYTHING up to now. I want to look forward to the new car, and new home, and maybe new friends and a new social life. I actually have started to believe that this summer is going to be a grand and glorious one.

Sometimes you can’t let “it” win, the thing that wants to humble you and cripple your self confidence. Screw that voice in my head that is advising an irrational fear of expressing confidence. Goddammit, it IS going to get a lot better. I have survived all this, the last 5 months, I survived the last 8 years, I survived 2007, I survived my mom/dad.

I have some transcendent moments in the last 50 years, and some really good stretches that lasted for a bit. I don’t know how much string I have left, but I hope I don’t see the end of it for a very long time.

So, fuck it, fuck you, fuck them, fuck it all, I’m calling it. I think its all going to get so much better, and there is nothing I can’t handle, no matter how hard it is.