2026
2 January 2026, 11:10
I think writing is good for me. Too bad I don’t do it often anymore.
2025. It’s gone, finished, kaput, bye-bye. And. Well. I have to admit it. It sucked. I tried, for the longest time to put a positive spin on it. From car transmission, to shredded knees, to a large tax bill, to the battle against bugs, to dealing with or carrying other peoples baggage, to the resurfacing of long buried nightmares from the past, to FUCKING DEER. I really tried to put a “life lesson” face on things or “this needed to happen” or “it could have been worse” or “well, really, I’m pretty lucky”. All of these things are true, but you know what was also true? It sucked. It was harder than I think it should have been, and some of it was my own fault, but… A LOT OF IT WASN’T.
This last couple of days (up until New Year’s Eve) I was in a VERY positive place about 2026 – that it is going to be GREAT, and I will reap the rewards of some long, hard trudging through the shit in 2025. And well. NYE sucked. I just couldn’t stem the tide of depression and sadness of those around me. It’s SO hard to keep from absorbing the more negative things around you that bombard you almost everyday. And, coupling that with one’s own negative voice, it just gets impossible. The latter part of 2025, I withdrew from the world and things around me a bit. Walking on eggshells, and just cocooning into a quiet ball so that I didn’t say or do the wrong thing. Hiding from people and decisions that I was afraid I wouldn’t handle well. Letting my mental health just silently shatter into a million sharp pieces. The thing is, I see all of it happening, and I don’t have the wherewithal to stop it.
And generally, beyond the borders of my own small monkey-sphere, the world abound looks like its burning to the ground. People are letting the evils of the world just run amok and it feels like there’s nothing we can do. And. Well. I know that’s not true. If we don’t fight the power, then we will have lost everything. I don’t think we are at the point yet. But it’s hard to not think its the end of everything when every media outlet, every youtube voice shout “The END is NIGH”.
These days, I feel more alone than I’ve felt in a long time. A thousand times more distrusting. A thousand times more sad.
But, I’m not sure where its coming from, but there’s a niggling in my soul that’s telling me 2026 really will be so much better and that there will be real progress for me. Progress for the rest of the universe, I’m not so sure is coming, but I can’t shake that this will be a year I will see some rewards for all thing things I’ve been trying to accomplish.
I guess. We’ll see.
But. I will hang in there. Right now, I have rocks in my chest, and I feel like I’m just in a holding pattern. I’m so desperate to see progress, that I’m obsessively checking on it, and causing a slap of disappointment everytime I don’t see something I want to. I need to just let things happen.
We’ll see if that is something I’m able to do. Just trying to cleave to my little family and the things I DO have.
Also. I want to write something funny this year. Keeping the resolutions small. Doable.
Letting things happen, and maybe writing a ha-ha this year.
Good luck to me.
