EMANCIPATION → | Now | ← 2019
JETSAM
29 January 2019, 11:26
Please excuse me, but I’m really fucking high on blue nighttime sinus pills.
WHEEE.
Okay. I don’t have a general cohesive thought here,
so it’s time for another Flotsam & Jetsam moment…
Never, ever thought this would happen – I was really fatalistic that this couldn’t be done, but in the spirit of my new mission statement of “Get On With It” I have started paying people back money I’ve owed them. I’ve got one more to put on the Duh-measly-tokens-of-remittance, but I’m slowly chipping ice off and sending it to people that have sent me icebergs. I even made arrangements with two of my four credit accounts to pay them. I will be hurting for a while, but it feels absolutely great to feel like I’m making FORWARD movements on all this. I might be broke for a good long while, but I’m broke in a forward momentum type of way. I’m always broke, but this way, while I’m broke, it’s doing some good. And hell, if I had waited till I was comfortably able to do this, I’d NEVER do it, so the added adrenaline of panicking every month “will I make all the bills this time?” will keep me sharp and on my toes. I SWEAR ON ZEUS’ BUTTHOLE, I’m bringing that camera home Friday and IT’S NOT LEAVING AGAIN. Who knew paying bills and getting right with creditors would be such a high? Well. It also could be the cold meds. Either way, I’m feeling pretty chuffed.
So, Easley’s next on deck to go to the vet. Love me some Easley. She’s neurotic, fearless, bitchy, sweet, smart and has a large THING on her back. A large mass or cyst or thing. It was suggested the mass is a sack of baby spiders that will explode, send blood, hair and thousands of arachnid babies throughout the house. I have since punished that person, and sought therapy for that imagery that I can’t burn out of my brain. Last vet visit, Hippy Vet said it was just a benign cyst of some sort and that if it got bigger, just let them know. Well. Due to the fact I was broke for so long, preoccupied by shit I shouldn’t have, and I’m just a generally bad doggie mommy, her THING is about the size of half an apple. So, this will be the first thing they look at during her yearlies next month. I hope to god its just a giant sebaceous cyst or pimple instead of cancer or whatever. You just know, I’m going to sell a kidney for fundage, if she needs some sort of surgery.
About 10 years ago, maybe 15, my favorite cereal was Honeycomb. Man, did I love that stuff. I could eat a whole box at a sitting. Well, one day, I purchased and brought this home, fixed a bowl of it and shoveled some into my gaping maw. To my horrification, the stuff did not taste like the light, airy, sweet buttery mana that I’m use to. It tasted waxy and stale, even though it was fresh. I thought it might be that box, so I tried a couple boxes after that, only to find that it tasted like styrofoam packing peanuts sprayed with crayon wax every time. So. I put on my grampa Simpson’s hat on and wrote the company. “Blah blah, WTF happen, blah, blah this taste like dirt, blah blah”. And, in fact, the company had wrote me back, saying they “changed the formula and sorry you didn’t dig it, but here’s a coupon to buy more shitty cereal you don’t like.” Yeeps. I quit buying Honeycomb and tried the generic, cheaper kind “Bee Houses Made Out Of Their Butt Juice” but it also tasted waxy and stale. I gave up on Honeycomb and felt the world was off kilter (and I was right, hence the election of Trump). Well, I found out they had changed back to their original formula yesterday, when a handsome young man bought me a box. The honeycomb complaint story is one I tell all my loved ones over and over again, so it’s not foreign territory to anyone who listens to me (note, I didn’t say “know” me). And now, I’m hooked again…seriously.
Speaking of serious. Seriously. These motherfuckers are still available. Yeah, they are cute. But I’m not a cat person, and one of them has picked me to be his human. I am usually non-plussed to annoyed at the cats and was trying to attrition down to none, not gain two. Come get them. Cute, white motherfuckers. They are boys and have blue eyes. Well, one does, the other has a blue and green eye. I just don’t want to feed any of the cats that I have, and now, I have two more to not-make-die and medicate. Take them. Free. I’ll deliver.
Really? Is this still a thing? I can understand you voting for him the first time. Well, not really, but I’ll give you then benefit of the doubt you didn’t want to elect a ignorant, misogynistic, racist, sentient block of cheddar with baby hands to the most power position in the world to systematically gut the America that I know and love. But if you still support him, I can’t get my head around that. I’m actually thinking you are brain damaged, mentally ill, or just a horrible human being. Or you need some serious professional help, because being in as much denial you’ll need to have to still support this horror show of a human being, you must be struggling not to drown in a river of stagnant hamster poo.
I am SO ready for spring/summer/warm weather. I will be more awake, warmer, happier, feeling more human and more motivated to do EVERYTHING. When its warm, I love to run, I am more obsesssive/compulsive on cleaning, more relaxed and more psychotically perky. All is right with the world when its warm and sunshiny. I fly in the car, I’m nice to people, I have more of an urge to tolerate the general public, I drink more Bass Ale with Hurley on the porch and I love the world more. The forest next to the house has been razed to the ground so there will be more light. It will be hotter so I’ll be up earlier, awake longer, and itching to do things. I’m planning trips and exercise schedules, and I’m even not real opposed to doing the nerd night card tournaments. I’m physically smaller and more cute, and I have been considering things I wouldn’t have before – like hiking or going out into the public arena. I just can’t wait to feel the radiant sun on my skin. It’s all ready getting warmer and I see more sunlight, thusly I have killed less people this year than I have prior to this time last year. I feel younger and more invincible when the world is bathed in summer. I am looking forward to shaking the cobwebs out of my brain and breathing in April breezes.
Just. Don’t. Fucking. Rain. On. The. Weekends. Kay?
I am happy. And my life is getting better, financially and personally. It’s getting less hard and I finally got to a positive level to where my work is towards a goal and not just digging out of a hole. I was struggling to keep the wheels on the wagon, and now I’ve found a jack and a lug wrench and am putting them back on permanently. So, I am able to plan on righting the wrongs instead of ignoring them. I’m planning trips. I’m meeting people. I’m taking a chance on a lovely (young) dude (as far as my untrusting ass will let me). I’m becoming a more pleasant person. I’m trying to better my professional station with surprising results. I still obsessively make plan Bs and Cs for contingencies, but my plan As look like they are doing fine and haven’t derailed in some spectacularly terrifying ways. I’m going to try to do all the things now that I always wanted to, like relax, travel, see new things, DO new things. Go to shows, do photography, have ambition, and be a generally good person. Plans include weekend trips to Asheville, finally meeting my sister from another mister, a Mummies show, catching up with old friends, etc. I am enjoying living now. I am happy, but I wish it hadn’t taken so long for me to become this person. I wish I had those 7 years back. I regret time lost and effort wasted on the wrong things. I suppose I should consider that life lessons that make me a better person, a more appreciative person, a wiser person. But I can’t help but mourn so much youth and potential that is gone now. It feels like I’m on a timetable, to fit what I can in the moments I have left. To love every second I can. To live wisely every minute I can. Price paid for valuable lessons learned.
And that’s the random thoughts I have this week, oh and did I mention I am high as fuck on cold meds (and I love my car)….?
