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LAST ONE

13 December 2018, 12:24

So. Yeah. This will probably be the last divorce/dingus related entry.

So. Yeah. My final divorce hearing is scheduled for February 13th, 2019. I said that out loud at work and someone said “You’re not divorced yet?” And I was reminded it was the day before Valentine’s Day. Ironical, indeedy.

So. Yeah. Jesus Horatio Christ, South Carolina just don’t make this shit easy, do dey? I’ve had to scrap and pay for this thing, working to FIND him to serve him because he just ran away and hid out. I had to work to try and prove adultery, of which he actually admitted in court, but that was all for naught. I fucking begged and hustled to get the fucker off my insurance, which was the BIG victory for me (saved me $4,000). I suffered through sorting out the SHARTS of this whole thing that he left – bills, damage, obligations, injury – of which I had to rectify, fix, explain and heal. I had to fucking suffer through another round of stress trying serve him AGAIN. And finally. They set up a hearing… IN TWO MONTHS??? It doesn’t even matter if Dingus shows up to the hearing. It’s all on me, it only matters if I show up.

And I have to find a witness to attest that we have been separated for more than a year. It is all on me, once again. Once I said that I needed a witness, I have everybody coming out of the woodwork volunteering eagerly to testify, but I need one who can say it truthfully – I am not going to have someone lie for me. I will find someone. God help me, I’ll find one.

It was all so hard. But, I did come out of it, and right now, looking at everything, I came out victorious. I am stronger, wiser, more beautiful, and happier than I ever was with him. I didn’t lose my humanity, and I gained experience, perspective, and backbone.

February, it will be over, I will get a little money out of it, and I will be forever disconnected from the reprensible cunt of a human. A human, I thought once had some value. But now, I know better. I gained truth, friends, superpowers and an extraordinary tolerance for pain from this. I will be free to be open again. I will be free to be myself again, to explore myself again, to share myself again.

I lost Lila. And the hate I feel for him for that, I will never lose. I have a hate for Lexington County, and for Doug because I lost Lila. I’m tearing up right now as I write her name. That will never die. I will alway equate him with that, the death of Lila. That’s a realization. I loved a stray magnitudes MORE than I ever loved Doug. And her death tears a hole in me, evokes love in me that Doug could never even approach or realize. I would trade his life for Lila’s in a heartbeat. I don’t know what that says about me as a human being, and… I don’t care.

For the rest of it, he will be deleted from my life. There is no reason for him to ever cast his shadow in my world. He has no worth to me, no value, no substance. This is the last thorn prick in my side he will ever cause. And I finally have a date of my release from this waste and drain on my life.

February.