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A WASH

21 April 2018, 18:30

I’m tired. I’ve been struggling and juggling this last month. I get good news and bad news, and it all seems to cancel each other out. When events do that, it makes it hard to feel everything is going to be all right. I get some good news followed by something that negates that. So, its hard to keep hope alive and it feels like you’re not making progress, even though I might be. A few things have gotten better, in a very concrete way. I have the mundane worries and little joys. I guess I want some major victories. I want to see a 60 yard TD. Right now, it just seems like I’m gaining two yards at a time.


  • Things are clean. Things stay clean. Even when they are dirty, they are not all that dirty.

  • My bills are down. WAY down. I’ve eliminated the water bill, the power is only 30% of what it was, my internet is half of what it was yet three times faster than before, and the only entertainment costs are Netflix and when I choose to do really stupid things. But I have two people I need to pay within the next couple of months around $2,400.

  • Dogs are nuts, but now its not in a dangerous or even worrisome way. They’ve turned into big cuddle balls of neurosis. They are definitely the best things in my life now.

  • This freaking car thing is expensive, but I’m an adult and sometimes you have to have adult payments and such.

  • I am without a plan for things anymore. That bothers me the most. I feel powerless a lot of the time now. I’m trying to be good with it – because sometimes, there isn’t a plan and that’s not always a bad thing even though it bothers me tremendously.

  • I’ve lost 40 lbs. since October.

  • I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT THE LAWN SITUATION. I’m going to need a lawn mower.

  • I’m not sure about all this new socialization stuff. I might have bit off more than I can chew. I can’t tell if I’m ready yet or not. Sometimes I think I am, sometimes I think I’m not, and sometimes I’m just scared shitless.

  • Gonna have to make some food here in a little bit.

Right now, just trying to feel better, catch up on my Agents of Shield and Schitts Creek and maybe make some pasta salad.