DONE
25 September 2026, 14:50
It’s done. This is my house. This is the most amazing and emotional day I’ve had I think as far as I can remember.
I’ve felt empty. A hole. For a very long time. Just a feeling of lacking? I can’t even describe it. My cup I guess has been half full for a very long time. A lifetime maybe. Today. I feel like its overflowing, and I can’t hold back the tears. I’ve gone through the whole thing. THE MONTH LONG BAATAN DEATH MARCH of Homeownership. And I’m realizing, I had some very great people along the way, shepherding my crazy and leading me down this path to now. I stand before this house. Not the perfect house. But the perfect house for me. For most, buying and selling doesn’t carry such an emotional load that this particular transaction did. If you knew me, yeah. This tracks that this would be a wild ride of epic adventure.
I make it all crazy.
I met the seller. I learned about her. She loves big dogs. She’s lived there 30 years. She’s loved by many. And the house is borne out of her independence and her life. Dogs she’s loved, and a life she’s lived. I sat across from the corporate lawyer table and the more I talked with her. The more I realized. She was me. We had the similar loves in our lives and a similar independence. She had cried about leaving her home, to join her family. She cried about losing the memories and life that lived in that house. It wasn’t just a house. It was a vessel that carried the whole and depth of an existence. I realized this. And I cried. Not only for the steps I was taking but for being the heir of a legacy of someone else’s life – lived in full and whole. The gift this woman gave me, she doesn’t understand. I am taking the possession of a container that is filled with emotion, adoration, memory and love. And I feel privileged right now. Full disclosure, I’m also fairly drunk.
When I first saw the house, I had walls up. DIdn’t want to feel it, or like it. Because you never know with life and what happens. It was the second house I ever looked at in this journey. I couldn’t afford it. It was a SQUOCH out of my price range, and the practical side of me was regulating the torrent of chaos my existence had become at that point. I had continued looking and being disappointed in the next month, I guess.
Lo’ and behold, another blood money installment came in, and I was able to get this house. I won’t bore you with the roller coaster that was the whole process of this journey to homeownership. Just suffice it to say, I dealt with it as I do anything. My own stamp of craziness and coping. My panic and manic selves became one and I think I may have made everyone crazy with it all. I may go into all later. Or I may not.
But it all lead up to this day. This afternoon. This bunch of hours, sitting across from a woman who seemed like the person I will be. She was magnificent. She loved big dogs and she lived a life in a house she loved dearly. She was only able to leave to join family and live, I’m hoping, an outstanding life in Florida. She only hinted at the richness of the life she lead in that house, but I saw the love she had for the place. I felt honored and a lot more emotional than I thought I would be. Lots of embarrassing pictures were taken of us, there was more than a few tears shed and I felt like I was taking possession of precious heirloom, and I was hoping I was worthy. We hugged and cried. I sucked down the rest of the champagne I brought after we toasted all this. I spent the closing making jokes and trying to keep my manic panic under control. The more panic, the more jokes.
For one of the only of the very few times in life, I felt like I was where I was suppose to be, doing want I was suppose to be doing. I felt honored buying this house. I met her giant pitbull and I showed pictures of all my zoo. I told stories of myself, as she did herself.
And I don’t feel like a homeowner.
I feel like a scion. I feel like an heir of something loved and beautiful. And for the first time in decades, I feel full. Indeed, I feel overflowing. I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for making this next chapter of my life a reality. I feel so much life in me, and I haven’t felt that in a long while. Also, it could be the bottle of champers I’ve had. And the bottle that I’m working on right now
And hopefully this will carry through to when I have to deal with septic, fence, electrical, and apparently a bipolar barbie of a police woman who lives across the way.
